Thursday, August 27, 2009
Ashley - Glorified Avon Lady
OK bitches. Let's take a deeper look into what makes the Survivor cast members tick. Big Brother is down for a while and I've got some time to kill so why not? Over the next few days, I'll highlight a few more cast members and get us all familiar with just how wretched they'll all be.
First up is Ashley. Ashley Trainer is a 22 year old Spa Sales woman who lives in the land of a thousand lakes, Minnesota. CBS describes her job as "a very competitive commission based sales job where she can sell almost anything." OK so basically she either sells Avon door to door and has to deal with nasty house fraus slamming the door in her face or she works the convention circuit trying to sell hot tubs to bearded men with too much time on their hands. Either way I'm sure she's an over achiever and puts her shoes in ziploc baggies when she's on the road. She probably smells like a mix of vanilla and chlorine. Nice!
Ashley is a go-getter. No task is too small and no obstacle is too large. Sounds like an annoying Ms. Fix-It to me. Per CBS, "She describes her perfect day as sleeping in followed by working out and shopping, then ending her day with a nice dinner and a movie." This is her perfect day? Ashley needs to team up with Jordan over at BB and go bowling. A perfect day is walking along the Seine your first night in Paris high on life and Gauloises, partying in Florence staying up all night drinking wine in front of the Duomo, smoking hash on the wall of the papal palace in Avignon with a sexy French Canadian musician, tongue kissing long haired sex bombs in Helsinki, getting lost in the Austrian Alps and running naked down a hill screaming that you're Heidi (you know, from the children's story)... I mean, I'm just saying. Those are days that stand out in my mind NOT sleeping in and going shopping! Someone tell this bitch to get a clue.
Ashley wants to buy a house if she wins Survivor and plans to flirt her way into the men's hearts. She's a former competitive cheerleader and she'll toe touch her way through the challenges. I could make fun of her for the cheerleading thing, but I actually did a stint as a competitive cheerleader back when I was wholesome and uncorrupted. I know it's very difficult and takes focus so I won't rag on her for that, but I will rag on her for something else. HAHA! Ashley says she'll miss her pillow while she's in Samoa. Her pillow? Her fucking pillow people. OK I'm done with Ashley now. I don't like her. She won't win.