Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Dave - Dangerous Douchebag

Dave Ball, the uglier balder Coach, likes to preface his name with "Danger" (as in "Danger" Dave). What's up with men past their prime wearing their hair in a ponytail and thinking they're in BRAVEHEART? Douchebag. You need to be tall lithe and clutching a violin to pull this look off. I'm just saying. So anyhow Dave comes to us from the great state of California and he describes himself as a "rock and roll rebel". That means he listens to REO Speedwagon, wears gold chains dangling in this chest hair and still thinks fringed jackets are cool. Douchebag.

Of course he enjoys marital arts and fancies himself to be a superiorly intelligent to all the little people. He thinks the element of surprise will benefit him in the game. Yes, his douchiness will lull us into submission. This guy is a walking stereotype. Oh wait a tic... here's an interesting nugget. He majored in Opera and used to be a flight attendant. Sounds like someone is suffering from Wannabe Renaissance Man-itis.

Currently, Danger Dave is a fitness instructor spreading the news of nutrition to all who'll listen - the chubby chicks he picks up at Winger reunions. He says he's in the best shape of his life now, but I think he says that every year. I'm thinking Dave is going to be great television. He'll be Coach 2.0. If you're new to Survivor this season, Coach was king of the douchebags but EXTREMELY entertaining. Making fun of him kept Survivor fans laughing for weeks. Dave could make it to the merge if he isn't too annoying. Otherwise I see him going out as an embarrassment to Warrant fans everywhere.

He actually says, "I grew up taller than everybody else."

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