Thursday, February 10, 2011

Matt: Pretty Pretty Pony

Matt Elrod is a 22 year old from Nashville and he's just so damn pretty. I'm not one of those gals who goes gaga over a good looking guy, but I'm pretty sure Matt is made of rose petals and pixie dust. I cued up his video for this post, caught a blurb and, I shit you not, a rainbow darted across the room. Not even the sky, the room.

He's pre-med, describes himself as mysterious and wants to play the game with honesty and integrity. Way to kill a buzz, man! I hate the dignified integrity holier than thou types. I would have respected him a lot more had he flashed his pearly whites, swished his hair and made all the men and women drop their panties.

Alright, let's get to the video... prepare yourselves... extra elastic on your underthings is advised...

I have no idea what he said. Do you think he uses Redken or Frederic Fekkai on that hair? Was the hammock red or paisley? I have no damn idea. What I do know is that I think I'm pregnant now. It'll be a blonde blue eyed bitch with a year round tan and a twinkle in her eye. I'll sell her placenta on eBay. Her DNA will be the Dorian Gray of the anti-aging world.

My god, I hope he sticks around. The blogs are already writing themselves and according to my clock, I'll be due in November. Please give me a Phaedra style baby shower. Thank you.


  1. You are brilliant!! I hope Matt sticks around a long time just to see what you write about him. Brilliant analysis! :) Oh, and congratulations on the baby Matt (or Mattea?)!! LOL.

  2. What was it a Sip and See? Then we will have to throw you a Teresa baptism. I can't wait for the baby. How close did you stand to your computer? I am so glad to read your writing again. It's been too long. Will you cover the Celebrity Apprentice? (as promised)

  3. in the beginning of the last season you sounded almost as excited about Sash's pearly whites. by mid-season it was quite a different story. so maybe don't plan the baby shower just yet :)

    P.S. if this dude is your type, better go with Fabio. similar type, but at least Fabio doesn't have this smug look and his smile is not crooked. and! I bet he has bigger bank account, too, what with being the winner and all.

  4. Ok, I'm sure he's a lovely guy, and he's certainly pretty enough. But my first impression of him? Remember that Designer Impostors perfume? "If you like FABIO, you'll love FAUXBIO". He's even copying Fabio's strategy. But I'm not getting that Fabio charm.

    I dunno. Maybe I need to see more of him. Yeah. I think that's it.

  5. A lot of Fabio's charm was a combination of his innocence and naivete with good natured personality and laid back attitude. Matt doesn't seem to have it. He'll probably worry more about getting his golden locks dirty than anything in the game. But time will tell.

  6. I'd like to thumbs up Barefoot Drunk.

    Uh, that is not meant to be as dirty as it sounds.

  7. I'm thinking he uses Pert Plus. But come on, he's from Nashville? Bullshit! He's gotta be a damned Yankee sent down there by the 'guvment to spy on the moonshiners. Damned revenuers anyway! Ain't no native born Tennessee boys with that vanilla of an accent.

  8. He's a total Fabio wannabe. It pisses me off when reality shows try to repeat winning formula...half the fun is in discovering hidden and unexpected talents. He's definitely no Fabio though. When I look at him I think he'd be more comfortable in a buzz cut, not with the long hair. And what's with the problem "of being around the same people for a long amount of time"? Sounds like no one can stand him for long periods...which was never the case with Fabio.

  9. He can't be a Fabio wannabe. This season was filmed immediately after Fabio's season. The guy probably had no idea who Fabio was.

    Nice to see you again Diabolical. How are things Down Under? You add some class here with your internationalness. Without you, I'd simply be Domestic and that would be sad. ;-)

  10. I have to agree with Pat there...I am a born and bred Tennessean and we just don't come that pretty for one and we don't talk like that. Honestly, most of us talk like Ralph and I think that is the main reason I could understand every word he said. This guy is just way too well spoken not to be a transplant.

    Now if the guy lives in Nashville it really pisses me off that there was the one really really pretty guy so damn close to me and I didn't know it. Shit I need to visit Nashville more often because that is where the pretty is hiding obviously.

    I like him though and I will spend the rest of the season trying to figure out what exactly he does put in his is glorious damn it!

  11. There's a turn up for the adding some class to the place. All I usually add is an unpleasant odour.

    Sucks being in a different Time Zone though, I have to stay away from here and the network until I can watch the show, for fear of spoilers.

    Thanks for the heads up on the casting timing. Without you I'd be a misinformed, opinionated, know nothing...oh wait...

  12. I'd like to thumbs up Barefoot Drunk.