Thursday, March 10, 2011

Sleep In The Mud, Fool


Well, it all came down to this - good v. evil. The conflict is as old as time itself. Biblical, grand, universal, external, internal... only one side can win. If you believe in fairy tales like I do, then you know that good always triumphs over evil. Witches melt, stepsisters are humiliated, queens are foiled and we all live happily ever after. Without a happy ending (double entendre intended) the world would be a very depressing place. I mean, I don't know about you, but I don't want to live a life where Clarice doesn't catch Buffalo Bill or Lara Croft doesn't stop the Illuminati. I want Cady to get her revenge on The Plastics. I want Cindy Mancini to find love on a lawn mower. I want Ren and Ariel to get their dance. I want glitter and streamers and pixie dust and cake - a princess cake! Ponies grazing in a field are infinitely prettier than trolls scratching their pits under a bridge, don't you think? Let's recap, shall we?




Our Nicaraguan fairy tale begins under the cover of night. The insects are singing, the bats are restless, the moon hangs high and a short stocky bald man enters the scene. It's Lucifer (Russell Hantz) and he's about to settle into his new home on Rhode Island (Redemption Island). The fairies that were fluttering around the sleeping Pretty Pony's (Matt) head sensed an evil presence approaching so those bitches grabbed their purses and hightailed it on outta there. The stench of failure and festering pustules burned their tiny little noses and, seriously, who the hell wants to put up with that? The Pretty Pony awakens and Lucifer wastes no time telling him how his tribe did him wrong and threw the challenge with the express interest of getting him out of the game. You know, for someone who appreciates slick underhanded strategic moves, Lucifer is remarkably blind to the tremendous genius of a bitch slap he just received. The hypocrisy hung thick in the air as Lucifer rambled on and on about how his tribe didn't treat him fairly and had the audacity to lie to him. Rich coming from a guy who handcrafted his own legacy based on the lies that dripped off his tongue like honey. He got got. It's as simple as that. All he has left to hold onto now is the assumption that Pretty Pony will be shaking in his little shoes with nervousness come duel time. What Lucifer doesn't realize is that Pretty Ponies don't get nervous. They just wave their manes gloriously in the breeze and then trot off happily to a meadow filled with wildflowers. I mean, seriously, when have you ever seen an angry or insecure pony? Never, that's when.


The sun rises on a new day and our resident hall monitor is doing some cleaning up. Phillip has decided to sweep the dirt with a broom made of twigs as his tribe frustratingly tries to catch a few more minutes of precious sleep. To make matters worse, G.I. Joe's pink panties have an unfortunate case of the droops. He bends down and his ball sack waves hello. He leans over and his willy gives you a "howdy do". Phillip's junk just wants to come out and play and it's going to stretch those briefs as much as possible in order to get some face time with the other members of the tribe. Little Phil wants to hang with the gals and make some new friends, but the tribe is finding it difficult to welcome Little Phil with open arms. Natalie and Ashley cower and gag, Boston Rob has horrifying memories of some friend's dad and Grant simply digs a hole in the dirt and sticks his head in. Phillip knows he's misunderstood and he's ok with that for the time being. It's a generational thing. It's a gap in maturity. It's the difference between being on Halcion and not being on Halcion. Sure, Survivor is a social game as well as a physical game, but as long as Phillip keeps manning the perimeter and shooting the motherships out of the sky before they can attack, he thinks he can win over these young'uns in the end. It'll take patience, determination, a strong will *America The Beautiful begins to play in the background* courage, love of country, a defender of peace, a man who knows how to empty out the sanitation tank of an all terrain armored patrol vehicle in the mountains of Afghanistan with nothing more than some purification pellets and a few straws. *music swells* Phillip Sheppard is that man. God bless America!

Over at Zappa (Zapatera), things aren't exactly all that patriotic. Stephanie and Krista are frustrated that their pimp is gone and now they have no idea what corner to work or who to give the money to. They're just not having any fun anymore being stuck on an island with a bunch of goobers. Rooster (Ralph) sees how the girls are alienating themselves and decides that now is the best time in the game to show everyone his Hidden Immunity Idol. *throws hands in the air* No! Rooster... no! Why does everyone always blab about the Idol? Is it really that hard to keep a secret? I keep secrets all the time... like how I really did almost run over that lady who hit my car with her purse in the grocery story parking lot or how I once told someone I was a scout for Playgirl magazine or how I cried that time Miley Cyrus surprised a fan on Oprah. See? It's not hard to keep secrets. Dummies! As Rooster clearly isn't a genius secret keeper like I am, he gathers up his alliance and reveals the Idol in all it's glory. David and Mike start high fiving. Sarita does a little dance. Steve (whom I'm thinking of calling The Cuddler) starts rubbing random people and general merriment ensues. It's a big celebration as Rooster and his chicks are now convinced they have all they need to fight off Lucifer were he to come back into the game at some point.

Speaking of Lucifer, it's time to prepare for the duel. Back at Omarion (Ometepe), Phillip has uncovered the tree mail inviting two people to visit Rhode Island and he's decided that he wants to be one of the people to go. After jumping behind bushes using the mail scroll as a periscope, he eventually delivers the message to the rest of his tribe and requests that he takes Kristina with him. They're all like, "Yeah, whatever, go. Have fun. Later." and then they rolled over and went back to their naps. Kristina was happy to go as she knows her days are numbered and getting a good look at what goes on at Rhode Island might work to her advantage down the road. Phillip, on the other hand, quelled his excitement and got to work. He had to suit up, pack his rucksack and shine his shoes. This is strictly a reconaissance mission to gather intel to one Mr. Phillip Sheppard. Back when he was with the U.S. government, Phillip frequently had to go out and infiltrate tiny terrorist cells known as Starbucks. It was his job to bring back the rich cocoa bean elixirs to his handlers so they could analyze it and use it to strengthen our borders. Phillip may not have been on the frontlines of homeland security, but he was an integral part of the intern program. Having been in it for 28 years he knows a thing or two about how to handle an ornery barista. Therefore, Rhode Island should be a walk in the park to a hardened secret agent like Phillip Sheppard. Over at Zappa, Rooster and Sarita are the chosen ones. They want to make sure Lucifer gets his comeuppance and is no longer a threat to their peaceful and loving tribe.




And this brings us to the moment of truth. Rhode Island. Will the big bad Survivor villain get to stay or will the shiny pretty freshly-scrubbed Adonis triumph? It's no secret who I'm rooting for. Pony power! Sure, he's playing for "his God" and sure, he's a little creepy in that way that all super Christians are creepy, but I just find it impossible to root against him. He walks onscreen and I see Jax Teller and if you think I'm rooting against Jax Teller you've got another thing coming. SAMCRO fo' life! *beats on chest and flashes gang sign* Also, I'm just plain sick of Lucifer. I want new Survivor stars to emerge. I want new legacies to be created. Lucifer's bag o'tricks is getting old whereas I think Rob actually bringing something new to the table every time he plays. Back in the day, I loathed Rob. Everytime I heard that voice of his, I cringed. But, he's won me over with innovation I guess. He's a psychological player and I kind of dig that.

Alright so here we are and it's duel time. Dimples is there with his somber "Rhode Island voice" and he knows that what is about to go down could be history in the making. No matter how hard he tries to hide that smirk of his, it keeps sneaking out - much like Phillip's junk! His normally drab blue shirt is even a tad bluer today. It's cornflower blue if you will. For today's duel, players will stack a series of blocks on a multi-level platform all the while avoiding pesky trip wires. The object of the game is to arrange the blocks so they fall like dominoes ultimately releasing a ball which will smash a tile. The winner of this duel lives to see another day. *silence* A hush falls over the crowd and... Survivors ready, go.


Lucifer and Pretty Pony begin to meticulously stack their blocks. Lucifer is driven by the burning embers in his soul while Pretty Pony is motivated by a higher power. Their hands seem to be steady as Dimples continues to narrate throughout. They crawl in between trip wires, glance over at one another, the music swells and I gotta tell ya, my heart was in my throat. *thump thump, thump thump* It was delicious! Pretty Pony gains a slight lead and attempts to knock down his blocks. He's good, good, good... then, bad! He falls short. Lucifer is thrilled and prepares to make his first attempt. Blocks are falling, falling, falling, then... no! The door is open again for Pretty Pony! Oh god, the suspense! *covers face with hands* The crowd of four in the arena is on edge, Pretty Pony is scrambling, Lucifer is starting over, I'm freaking out, Pretty Pony makes his second attempt and... PRETTY PONY STAYS ALIVE!!! *fireworks*


Twitter went crazy, my face hurt from smiling so much and then something nobody expected took place. Survivor's most evil and villainous player tried to hide his bulbous frame under a tiny fedora as his lip trembled, his head shook and he came to the sudden realization that a bunch of newborn ninnies managed to squash his entire legacy into nothing more than a man in a tank top standing there crying in front of Jeff Probst. It was gorgeous! Bee-you-tee-full! The crowd looked on stunned, the air stood still and for a second I almost started to feel bad. Then, of course, Lucifer opened his mouth again and the moment was lost. The second Dimples suggested Lucifer might be embarrassed by this loss, the horned devil unleashed all his tribal secrets to the onlookers. He said something about being a quarterback and his tribe being pee-wee's and how he had to run the ball and throw the ball and do whatever with the ball. I don't know. He was rambling, but something in his rambling pissed off Rooster enough to make him speak up.



In a major WTF moment, Rooster starts to tell Lucifer that he found the Idol. *smacks self in head* I'm looking around the room like, "Is this really happening?" My dog looked up at me and said, "Yeah Bitch, it's really happening." Rooster was literally digging through his bag preparing to show Lucifer the Idol when Sarita whispers to him, "Don't do this." Rooster puts his bag back and all of a sudden announces he was faking having the Idol all along to which Lucifer then threw his head back and started cracking up. Salvador Dali would have been jealous of the surrealism in that moment. It was swirling and melting and the colors were vibrant and lush. I kind of loved it and wanted to get lost in it and then... Phillip spoke. Oy. Phillip Sheppard is a human lie detector and he's been honorably discharged from the United States government as a secret federal agent. He's worked with Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones so, in addition to sniffing out liars trying to smuggle dirty bombs into our country, he's also extremely adept at killing aliens. It is his professional and federal opinion that Rooster is a liar liar pants on fire. Then, just when I thought things couldn't get any weirder, Lucifer outs Sarita for being Zappa's leader. Huh? She is? Since when? That's news to me. Surely, we would have seen her do some "leading" by this point, right? In the end, I was happy, horrified and confused. Lucifer is gone and he went out just like he came in... in a ball of fire spewing out newborn baby's blood. Good riddance. Please don't come back. I'm done with you.

Back at Omarion Boston Rob knows that he needs to find that Hidden Immunity Idol before Kristina gets back from Rhode Island. You see, Kristina's got a nose like a bloodhound and she can hunt out Idols quicker than Phillip can dig a trench with his bare hands. It's fast baby, fast! Under the clever guise of having a "Beach Picnic Day" filled with games, prizes and freshly caught crabmeat, Rob lures his tribe away from camp and thus begins the elaborate Poop Ruse. You see, earlier in the day Rob began to complain of constipation. He feigned discomfort, massaged his bowels and silently ached to himself. It was all part of his master plan to get some alone time back at camp so he could go hunting for the Idol. So simple yet so genius.


So, the tribe is out frolicking on the beach playing games and sunning themselves when suddenly Rob gets that familiar pang in his gut. He quickly excuses himself and the tribe responds with sympathy and understanding as Rob races back to camp, grabs a shovel and begins to dig furiously for the Idol. 5 minutes go by, then 10 minutes, then 15 minutes and he still can't find the Idol. He knows the tribe will begin to suspect something if he doesn't hurry up so then he begins to look up into the branches of the trees. After having searched 38 of the 40 trees at camp he finally finds the Idol and the Poop Ruse is a success! He races back to the beach where the games resume and no one is the wiser. I love it!



Rob isn't the only one who can dupe his tribe using slight of hand trickery. Phillip, in addition to putting the bomb in the asteroid for his friend Billy Bob Thornton, is also a master of smoke and mirrors. He tells Kristina that they'll share what happened with Lucifer's breakdown, but they won't say anything about Rooster having the Idol. Phillip wants to use that intel (his word, not mine) to persuade Rob to keep Kristina in the game. Kristina, knowing Phillip is about as sane as Sybil, just nods and smiles and lets Phillip do whatever it is he's going to do. It's not that Phillip's idea was a bad idea per se. It's just that he's the absolute worst negotiator ever in the history of negotiators. Let's just say, if I get kidnapped by Somali pirates and Phillip Sheppard is in charge of bringing me home to safety, tell my family I love them and I'll see them in the afterlife because there's no way in hell I'm getting out alive.



What Phillip should have done was offered Rob an alternate plan - like maybe getting Mascaroni (Andrea) out. He could have pitched how close Pretty Pony and Mascaroni were and how having them battle it out at a duel now is better than risking him coming back in the game later and teaming up with her. I don't know. That's just one idea out of a million that Phillip could have come up with. Instead, he said something like, "I have information. The intel. There's a ransom note. We're prepared to make a deal. Put a bag of unmarked bills under the trash can on the corner of 7th and Main. I'll call you on the pay phone with further instructions. No dye bags. I have a gun! Oh and Kristina stays in the game, ya hear me?" Oh for fuck's sake. All Rob had to do was give Phillip a side eye and he ended up spilling the beans on everything anyways. Phillip should have lied about poop instead. Keep it simple, I always say.



This brings us to the big Immunity Challenge where the tribes were testing on how well they know their Craftsman tool kits. I always thought it was a tad strange they were given so many tools to begin with. I guess this challenge is the reason why. The tribes have to make their way over a balance beam where they will use a crow bar to open a crate. Inside the crate in a shovel which they will then use to find an axe. With the axe, they'll chop through a rope releasing two saws. With the saws, they'll saw through a wall creating planks. They'll use the planks to complete a ramp which will get the entire tribe to the top of the platform where they must hammer three nails breaking three tiles. First tribe to get their Craftsman toolkit on top of their table wins Immunity and a Reward of a barbecue set complete with food. As Zappa has one extra tribe member, they sit out Krista. Survivors ready, go!

Out of the gate it's Rob and Rooster. Rooster demolishes his crate in one swift movement and retrieves his shovel. Julie grabs the shovel and begins to dig. Rob finally gets his shovel and now Grant is digging. I suppose I could have gotten caught up in the tension and craziness of the challenge but instead I was transfixed by Grant's supermodel legs. End to end I think they could circumnavigate the globe. Those bitches are long! I wonder if he's ever strangled anybody with them. He used to play football, right? Anyhow, race race race, chop chop chop, slice slice slice... Phillip's balls begin to sweat, Steve doesn't know how to use a saw, it becomes clear that Mike has perhaps dismembered a few bodies in the past.... assemble, assemble, assemble, hammer, hammer, hammer and ZAPPA WINS IMMUNITY!!!

Back at Omarion the mood is somber. It's not somber because they lost. It's somber because Phillip is giving another one of this Pre-Tribal Council speeches. "You all played admiringly-ly. We're all winners. We all put forf a great effort. Get down! Now, now, now! The enemy is approaching!" Then he shot at some ants with a stick and went off into the woods to find his morse code machine. Such a weirdo. Before, Omarion could ignore Phillip and laugh at his silly games and quirks, but now their hatred towards him is so strong it's palpable. Ashley wants to claw his eyeballs out while Grant is measuring his legs making sure they're long enough to wrap around Phillip's gigantic head. Kristina sees all the various plots to kill Phillip being hatched and wonders to herself if maybe she can plant some seeds about the Idol in a last ditch effort to stay. She says to no one in particular, "There must have been a clue in that Reward box." Natalie hears this and becomes suspicious. She runs to Rob who immediately doesn't like what he hears. Kristina is dangerous whereas Phillip is a fucking idiot. Phillip's not a threat to anyone, but Kristina is actually smart and Rob doesn't like that.

Rob's plan is to make the tribe think Kristina has the Idol so he tells them to split the votes - 3 for Kristina, 2 for Phillip. They agree to the plan, but Ashley is unhappy with it. She tells Grant how stressful Phillip is making the camp. Grant agrees with her and thinks ousting Kristina instead of Phillip is a mistake. Phillip is too much of a loose cannon. He's hazardous to have around. Wrap some yellow police tape around his head and call it a day.

This brings us to Tribal Council where Kristina is immediately put into the hot seat. She admits she's a little worried and thinks that where she started out in this game might be to blame for the predicament she's in right now. She was always on the wrong side of the tribe as far as numbers were concerned. She says she wants to stay and the discussion turns to talk of second chances. Everybody pretty much agrees that second chances are always an option until Rob flat out says that, to be fair, Kristina only really just joined the tribe recently. For the first 8 days she was an outsider. The question now is whether or not they want to bring her into the fold.

Dimples asks Kristina who they should vote out. She responds by saying they should vote out the weakest member - someone who's being disruptive. Someone like Phillip. Uh oh... Phillip smacks his tattoos, whips his resume out of his back pocket and all the answers we've all been searching for are finally answered. If you listened closely, you would have heard that Phillip worked sanitation for the government - from which he was "honorably" discharged - and received the second highest medal you can get during PEACE TIME. Peace time! What's that, the medal for the cleanest toilet? And, don't they "honorably" discharge you if you're crazy time looney tunes? While we got some answers, we also got a million more questions. Like, how is working field sanitation the same as being a secret federal agent? And, is "field sanitation" code for smearing poop on the walls of your padded cell. I have no idea, but I will get to the bottom of this. I promise you that. Time to vote...

The fourth person voted out of Survivor: Redemption Island is Kristina. Kristina actually reads this little bloggy blog faithfully and is a very cool lady so I'm sad to see her go so soon. She's crafty which I like, but her mistakes early on made it very tough for her to bounce back. I can't help but think how much longer she would have lasted were she put on Zappa instead of Omarion. And, who knows, maybe she'll fight her way back on Rhode Island. One thing she can say until the end of time is "I lasted longer than Russell Hantz did on Survivor: Redemption Island." Shit, get a t-shirt made! I would. So, what did you guys think of last night's episode? Are you happy Lucifer is gone or did you cry like he did? Is Ralph getting a little big for his overalls? Would you let Phillip clean your toilet? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!

26 comments:

  1. Do we think Lucifer was legitimately crying? Or was he still playing the game he loves?

    His logic is whack though, the dirty, filthy hypocrite.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I also COULD NOT STAND Rob before this season. I actually like him now. He's playing a great game...and actually pretty much by himself this time...no help from Amber! But seriously, how dumb are these players?? Is it possible that ROB MARIANO is actually the smartest player there this year? Scary, but I think true. Two hidden idols wasted by big mouths. Unfortunate.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love that the picture of Russel's devastation is called, "crysuckit". Little hidden gems like that is what make your blog great.

    I was so happy to see Russel go, and even happier when Rob found the idol. I thought there would be a bunch of interview time with people talking about how they feel about Russel being gone for good. You know, Boston Rob gloating that he outlasted the troll, Stephanie shedding the blood of a baby as a sacrifice to raise her Satan from the dead, that kind of thing. I'm kind glad they didn't...there was enough time wasted on Russel. I SO felt bad for him until he started yammering about how unfair being in that tribe was. And being in YOUR tribe in Samoa was fair? Not understanding where water and clothing and supplies was disappearing to was fair? Get over yourself Russel. You got got, and of ANY survivor, I would have thought YOU would be able to appreciate such underhanded tactics. I guess you can't even appreciate your own gameplay.

    Love the blog, love you! Can't wait till next week!

    ReplyDelete
  4. love it - as usual. I'm seriously encouraging Kristina to have that T-shirt made!!

    Spike

    ReplyDelete
  5. Man, you are funny! You make me snort red wine through my nose! I almost look forword to your blog more than the actual show! Ball sweat ~ I love it!

    Jo

    ReplyDelete
  6. I would also greatly reccomend the t-shirt idea.

    How great would it be if at the reunion show, 16 of the cast members stood up and revealed their "I lasted longer than Russel..." shirts to the audience, hopefully that would shut Lucifer up!


    Greg

    ReplyDelete
  7. I know all the Russell haters are rejoicing today. After all, the only person to EVER lie, backstab, cheat, and torment opponents in Survivor history has been booted from the game.


    Yes, Russell has been a fixture the last few seasons, and probably he alone has infused life into what was soon to be a dying franchise. Since Russell is gone, we can all return to the high school popularity contest platform and watch the coasters win a million bucks every season.

    As we watch the Rob knighting season continue, let's all take time to remember that Rob already has done these exact things previously and especially this season. Does Matt's blindside ring a bell? But, after all, it's okay when Rob does it. I figure Rob has to win it this year after the 50th try. Either that or send him to Big Brother- the only CBS reality show Bawston Wab hasn't been cast on to date.
    What truly amazes me is the way Rob's team has completely fallen under his spell. Have they not watched him in action before???

    Hopefully the jury will wake up and NOT award Rob because they all came in stary-eyed at the mere sight of him.

    Now I know you folks are tired of my rant on Rob. My feeling before the season is I wanted anyone to win, except for Rob and yes, even Russell. That's right, even Russell. I feel both have have their day in the sun, and seeing these players return numerous times gets old.
    I thought Rooster had a good chance but he made way too many mistakes last night so he'll get voted out sooner or later.

    As usual, Collette, your blog is spectacular, keep em coming!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think it is kinda sad to see him go. He went 100%, 100% of the time and I think crying over it only proves that. He truly loved the game and you cant help but respect that.

    As for rooster, for him to chime in like that when everything Russel said was true (throwing the chllenge etc.)and try and deny it is like kicking someone when there down. Shut up and show some respect.

    Whether you like Russel or not, he is one of the best to ever play and in doing so has changed the game forever. The least he deserves is a peaceful exit.

    Though, the retarded redneck did accidentally tell everyone he had an idol that he didn't even mean to find so, I guess in a way justice was served. But it is sad to see him go especially since it will probably be his last time playing.

    ReplyDelete
  9. @Pete - EXACTLY! Without Russell it's just the high school popularity contest.
    Like it or not - with Russell gone, at least half of the fun is gone from this game.

    As for Boston Rob - he is more cocky (and in a way lucky) than smart. What makes him APPEAR smart is the dumb star-struck tribe that he rules.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I confess: I never saw the previous seasons with Russell or Rob. I've heard things about those seasons,of course,and I LOVE a good villain as much as anyone else. *scrolls up a few posts,waves frantically,and says HI Spike!! :)* So when I saw Russell's game this season I was sadly disappointed. Where the hell was the real Lucifer? Well shit. Will someone else emerge as a villain this season? Anyone? Please? Is Rob the villain? Hmmmm. No. He's just using other people's somewhat starstruck dumbness against them. Not hardly evil. More funny than anything,but it seems to work.

    I still don't have a favorite yet. I find myself laughing at a few and rolling my eyes at the same time.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I seriously hope Philip doesn't go home for a good while. His over the top insanity is just what the doctor ordered. If all that is left is 20 year old T and A I will just switch to the playboy channel and see what kind of challenges are in store there.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I really can't understand how so many people can think Russell is a great player. Yeah, he's gotten to the end twice, but how many votes to win the million has he ever gotten? Even one?

    I think Russell has had as much chance of winning Survivor as Sash did last season. Other players WANT to go to the end with a jackass, because if you go into it with someone likeable, you lose a million dollars (which Colby proved when he took sweet motherly Tina instead the dick no one liked).

    Just getting to the end doesn't show anything about your ability to play Survivor. To me, getting to the end by pissing off every member of the jury shows that you DON'T know how to play and are NOT a good player. And that's something Russell just can't seem to understand.

    What I like about Rob is that he doesn't have that need to rub everyone's nose in his awesomeness, which Russell (and Ralph, boo) can't help but do. I bet Rob isn't going to be making any announcements about having the idol anytime soon. He's like the male version of Parvati, with that aw-shucks grin and bitchin tan. And those little droplets splashing on the camera when he fell out of the tree after finding the idol? Liquid charisma.

    Awesome blog as always! Best thing on the internet every Thursday night.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I am so glad I put my Depends on before reading your blog cuz I nearly peed my pants while reading about Rob's poop time/idol search. I am sooooo glad Russell is gone. Now it is time for some new people to step up and show us what they got. I liked Russell's BS in his first 2 seasons but he was on too many times too close together. Maybe if he would have waited about 6 seasons and then came back we would have looked forward to his shit again.

    ReplyDelete
  14. For some reason many people hate "evil", polarizing, controversial players. But a game without them would be boring to the point of tears. If for nothing else, they should be appreciated for spicing up the game, for making us post, argue, talk. Take Russell out of Zapatera tribe and suddenly it seems so bleak.
    As for the Ometepe tribe - I hope Philip lasts. At least he evokes some emotions, be it outrage, amusement, disgust, surprise - anything but boredom. Remove Philip from Ometepe, and it's boredom all the way. Well, unless you consider Rob's real or imaginary bowel malfunctions entertaining.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm happy Russell is gone. He was old news.
    I still love Rob and am definitely loving looking at Grant ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  16. I totally agree on that T-shirt idea!
    As well as the idea of having a new ''villian'' emerge this season..If I had to make a guess I'd say probably either Mike (from his sawing skills alone) or David..idk he just has this conniving look about him. Either way I sure hope so. And if Phillip gets voted out early I'm just gonna stop watching altogether and stick to this instead!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Russell managed to influence the game even when he was out of it (baiting Ralph with all the subsequent development) - who else could possibly do that?!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Glad to see Russell gone. Even at the end he was a vindicitive bastard toward his own tribe! Yes it hurts to be thrown out and then lose a challenge to a california bleach blond. Ha, ha Goodbye Russell.

    This whole season is a setup to pit the two experienced players. They had obvious advantages from day one - so it shouldn't be a suprise if one makes it to the finals (since the other would have been eliminated at the merge).

    I am impressed by Rooster RUGBURN. He has strength and hillbilly craftiness. I don't think his reveal to Russell and the other team will make any difference to the outcome.

    Another wonderful post Lala, thank you so much.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I agree completely with Pete. Love him or hate him Russell brought something to that game that has been missing for a while.

    ReplyDelete
  20. "He got got." Fantastic.

    I would love to see Dimples announce at one tribal council that the voting would be open just that once. I think it'd be interesting to see what would happen to the alliances.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I thought Russell was fun the first time round. His big problem was that he played exactly the same game three times running even down to always going for the alliance of concubines. It worked against players who did not know him. It crashed and burned against players who did. Russell couldn't even vary his game to take account of not having the immunity idol. It was screamingly funny that 2 entire seasons of Russell telling the diarycam how much he enjoyed screwing the other players, once he was the screwee he sang a somewhat different tune.

    ReplyDelete
  22. RIP Russell....i will miss my troll baby...long live King Russell :-)

    I guess i gotta root for Rob now...he's playing a awesome game so far :-)

    ReplyDelete
  23. There are people who are playing mostly for the million dollar prize (Boston Rob, for example, who seems to have changed profession from a construction worker to a perpetual reality shows contestant), and there are people who are playing for the joy and thrill of the game itself...Russell belongs to the latter category...
    There is nothing wrong with the million dollars (although after all the taxes the prize seems much less impressive), but from a viewer's standpoint - it's sooo much more fun to watch those who play from the heart for the joy of the game...
    yes, a notorious villain, but you could not help but feel for him when he couldn't contain the tears... there is no reason to gloat over his tears - his exit, like his play, was grand, like no one else's exit...his mediocre tribe had to sacrifice a challenge and reward for him to exit the game...and even then, even then he had the last word by making Ralph blab out to the other tribe about the idol...
    yes, it's Russell's loss...but it's the Survivor's loss, too - the game will not be the same without him...and it's probably our loss as well - would we look forward to the rest of the season as much? would we still be amused (high hopes for Phillip there!)? entertained?...remains to be seen...but I do not remain an optimist on this...

    ReplyDelete
  24. Well shit, I better call Dimples and tell him to find a new gig, since without the annoying troll, Survivor is dun, dun, baby, flat-assed done!

    All I know is, any final episode they had with him involved, they had to find a huge studio to be able to contain him and his enormous ego, how the hell were they able to fit in the other cast mates?

    You couldn't help but feel for him when he couldn't contain his tears? Hell, I heard the dwarfs from "Wizard of Oz" singing "Ding, Dong, The Witch Is Dead." And hearing his idiotic rant about how he carried his tribe, how they screwed him over? How about a big assed can of "Get The Fuck Over It" Russell?

    I feel for Kristina. There ain't no way in hell she can beat "pretty pony" and God. But, she did last longer than the troll. And that ain't nothing.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Kristina could've declined Phillip's invitation to join him as a spectator at the R-Island and instead look for the idol!
    Or better yet - she could've made Rob go to the island with Phillip.
    Sure, they didn't know for sure who would be there against Matt, but she could've said something like: "Rob, I have a premonition that it's Russell - your nemesis. Zapatera looked like they intentionally threw up the challenge - no doubt it's to vote off Russell. Don't you want to go see how your rival fares in the duel?"
    Who knows, maybe Rob would've bought this, maybe Kristina would've found the idol. Ah, could've, should've, would've of the Survivor! :)

    ReplyDelete
  26. Right on Pete! I've always liked how Russell plays the game because he plays to win and for the respect of the game- not the money. Sure he pisses people off but this ain't high school folks. He plays hard and doesn't ride coattails.
    The Sandra's and Ciries in this game make me sick because they don't do ANYTHING!! Only because they play "nice" are they are rewarded with fan favoritsm and sometimes millions.
    The next Sandra/ Cirie/ Rupert has now appeared in Ralph. He "thinks he's so smart" to get Russell out of the game? Seriously? The dude has played a total of 10 days of Survivor and he is the master? Give us all a fucking break. I just hope he wins enough cash to buy a shaver to trim-down that man-sweater. And maybe some ANGLISH lessons too!

    ReplyDelete