Monday, August 29, 2011

Brandon: Lucifer's Nephew

As I always like to thoroughly research my blog posts before delivering them to the world, I approached this next Survivor in a very scholarly manner. I went down to my local library (Google) and punched in "Lucifer's Nephew". In addition to several photos of books with titles such as "Lucifer In Heels", "Lucifer's Shadow", and Lucifer's Lost Lover" (which should arrive in about 4-7 days), I was inexplicably directed to an inordinate amount of Pokemon sites. Apparently, "Lucifer's Nephew" is an ambitious young comic writer within the Pokemon community. After a mysterious hiatus (from his challenging Pokemon message board duties), Lucifer's Nephew is back and he's hard at work on a new comic about a young boy rebelling against the monastery that raised him from birth. Could this young boy be Brandon Hantz? I sure hope so.

In case you missed that, I said "Hantz". Yes *sigh* another blasted Hantz is going to delight our screens this season. Apart from being born into the wrong family, Brandon is 19 years old. If you know anything about me, you know that I detest teenagers competing in Survivor. They're flighty, unfocused, immature, and should be working at the local DQ instead of wasting my time. In addition to not being old enough to drink, young Brandon is already a father. Condoms, children, CONDOMS!

This teenage baby daddy who works on oil tankers and cites Jesus as his personal hero also loves guns, hunting, and shooting things. Ok, that makes sense. His mission is to prove there's a softer side to the Hantz clan, but from what I can tell he's equally as hot of a mess as is trollish uncle. *thunder clap*

Let's check out what Young Hantz has to say for himself. Please to enjoy:

*yawn* I see nothing remarkable here. There may be some minor drama when Dimples outs him as one of Lucifer's kin, but, other than that, I'm hoping he's out quickly and the Hantz curse is finally put to rest... until the end of time - which, according to my calculations, is December 21, 2012.


  1. I actually physically yawned during that. I wanted it to end at about the 30 second mark but he kept just going on and on and on. I'm thinking he's going to do something stupid to get him voted out of the game...something so embarrassing that Russel disowns him and refers to him forever more as "dumb arse".