Thursday, September 1, 2011

Christine: Ivory Wayans

Next up on our tour of the South Pacific is our first female contestant of the season, Christine Shields Markoski. As most people with three names (Sarah Jessica Parker, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Holly Robinson Peete) cause my eyeballs to get stuck inside my skull from rolling them too hard, I'm not holding my breath on this one. Christine Newton John is 39 and hails from the great state of New York. She has nothing left to accomplish in life because she says she's already done it all. Well la di da, Miss Fancy Pants. Must be nice.

Christine Dee Williams cites some obscure Mexican revolutionary as her personal hero and hates it when people don't remove the price tags from the bottom of their shoes. I tell ya, I'm going to have to agree with Christine Ingalls Wilder on this one. I once bought a pair of Manolo's at Off Fifth and unwittingly flashed the 60% off sticker to my holier than thou boss from hell at the time. The humiliation wasn't worth the deal I got. Trust me.

Christine Trent Darby says the Survivor she most identifies with is Stephanie because she's strong and outspoken. Look, if Christine Lou Retton truly is strong and outspoken, I'll trade in my eye rolling for nods of approval. Let's check out Christine Bob Thornton's video, shall we?

Oh Christine Nicole Smith... you'll definitely be trouble, but I'm getting the impression that you also won't last very long. I predict that a nasty encounter with one of your many necklaces and a wayward branch will be your ultimate demise. With that orange dress, Christine William Scott, you'll be easy to find swaying from the tree so... at least that's something.


  1. Oh my god... you throwing in all the other 3 named celebrities had me LMAO. I adore you in all your snarkiness, bitch. :)

  2. GAWD I can't wait for Survivor to take the nasty BB taste out of my mouth.

  3. Your best player profile yet! Loved it. And I totally agree. As you post your profiles, I'm gonna choose which player I'm gonna support for the season. Depending on how you spin each one, I'll change my mind. By the end of the profiling, I should have my scapegoat...I mean future sole survivor! Right now, I think I'll back Christine Joel Osment.

  4. Damn, that woman is annoying.

    But then, she IS a New Yorker, as she might have mentioned - a GAJILLION times.

  5. Some of you may have missed it, but what with my astute powers of observation I was able to pick up that she's from New Yark.

    Unless someone more annoying comes along with an overdeveloped sense of achievement and ability this chick is going to be first off the island.

    Is divaness even a word?

  6. I don't like ANY of them so far; they seem pretty damn annoying! And why do they all use their hands so much when they talk? Ugh, hoping this is better than Big Brother.

  7. I think she'll be decent, but gone soon.