Thursday, September 1, 2011
Christine: Ivory Wayans
Next up on our tour of the South Pacific is our first female contestant of the season, Christine Shields Markoski. As most people with three names (Sarah Jessica Parker, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Holly Robinson Peete) cause my eyeballs to get stuck inside my skull from rolling them too hard, I'm not holding my breath on this one. Christine Newton John is 39 and hails from the great state of New York. She has nothing left to accomplish in life because she says she's already done it all. Well la di da, Miss Fancy Pants. Must be nice.
Christine Dee Williams cites some obscure Mexican revolutionary as her personal hero and hates it when people don't remove the price tags from the bottom of their shoes. I tell ya, I'm going to have to agree with Christine Ingalls Wilder on this one. I once bought a pair of Manolo's at Off Fifth and unwittingly flashed the 60% off sticker to my holier than thou boss from hell at the time. The humiliation wasn't worth the deal I got. Trust me.
Christine Trent Darby says the Survivor she most identifies with is Stephanie because she's strong and outspoken. Look, if Christine Lou Retton truly is strong and outspoken, I'll trade in my eye rolling for nods of approval. Let's check out Christine Bob Thornton's video, shall we?
Oh Christine Nicole Smith... you'll definitely be trouble, but I'm getting the impression that you also won't last very long. I predict that a nasty encounter with one of your many necklaces and a wayward branch will be your ultimate demise. With that orange dress, Christine William Scott, you'll be easy to find swaying from the tree so... at least that's something.