Monday, September 12, 2011

Rick: Whisker Warrior

Rancher Rick is 51 and hails from the great polygamist state of Utah. He wears an enormous hat and likes to "play on his horse". Like every other player from south of the Mason Dixon line, he cites J.T. as the Survivor he most admires. I'll bet he wouldn't say that if he knew J.T. slept with that hot mess Sugar, but I digress.

Rancher Rick has applied for Survivor 14 times and I totally dig that. I love that he never gave up and kept plugging away. Now, I'm sure most of you are thinking exactly what I'm thinking right now - "Will Colette Lala get to type in that crazy country talk again this year?" Well, let's see:

Glorious. That moustache is glorious. Unfortunately, we can understand every word he says and it looks like I'm off the hook for tappin' lahk thess, but Rick is good people. He's tenacious and seems to know the ins and outs of the game. I fear he won't last long, but until he moseys on out that door, I'll make macaroni art in honor of that luscious 'stache.


  1. I think he has the makings of final three.

    I have nothing to base that prediction on other than my finely tuned psychopath abilities...

  2. I was in a porn movie with a guy that looked like him and some nazi fetish dudes.

    I like Peter Lorre.

  3. I also like Joan Crawford.

    In "Humoresque" she commits suicide.

    I cried and I cried and I cried.

    Sometimes I fantasise about having sex with Joan Crawford.

    In my fantasies sometimes I impregnate her.

    Then I fantasise about performing an abortion on her.

    Then she screams at me "NO WIRE HANGERS, EVERRR!!!

    Then I come and I come and I come.

    goood times...

  4. Polygamist or not, anyone named Rick is a horses ass and major douche.

  5. You can understand him cuz Utah isn't below the Mason Dixon. He's a yankee. Just sayin'