Thursday, November 17, 2011

If I Were That Angel




Messengers of God, heavenly beings from beyond; Angels are everywhere. They whisper in our ears, they flicker the bedroom lights off and on, and, occasionally, they threaten to shake up reality shows like a snowglobe. Whether on Ghost Hunters or in that familiar butterfly fluttering near your window, Angels are a crafty bunch - but then again, winged creatures have always been up to no good. Just look at Talos, the giant winged man of bronze delivered from Zeus to protect Europa and the island of Crete. On the surface he sounds like a man of the people, a protector of society, but if pissed off he'll hurl giant boulders into the sea and giggle at the splashes they make. Or let's look to our fairy friends - delicate and graceful, exquisite and playful. You might be able to smoosh them with your thumb, but those little scamps will hide your car keys and steal your pharmaceuticals in the blink of an eye. Junkies, the whole lot of 'em! In my vast and extensive research of all things mythological, I have never come across a bespectacled gangly fop masking himself as an angel. What would we call this creature? Gingerellus? Freckelopia? Perhaps delving deeper into this prankster's psyche will provide a clearer more accurate picture of what exactly we're dealing with here. Let's recap, shall we?


In the thick of night with the gentle buzz of the insect people to keep us company, a dead-eyed goofy grinned man with pockets full of poker chips and the finest sativa arrives on Rhode Island (Redemption Island). "I thought we were supposed to be the final 3", he smirks. You see, "final 3" was the heart of the 3+2 x the circumference of a coconut shell divided by pi minus the square root of the number of teeth in Mary Jane's (Jim) mouth plan. The plan was fool proof (proof that fools exist). It should have worked! With one hand down his pants and the other fondling his own tendrils, Ozzy sighs and burbles, "I hate to say I told you so." Well, clearly you don't hate it enough not to say it. Douche of the D'ouchervilles. Meanwhile, Keanu (Keith) is sitting stiff-necked and straight-backed saying nothing to no one and having no bearing on anything anywhere. Too bad the insects kept up their nocturnal opera. I'll bet in the blackest depths of silence with nothing but Keanu sitting in a corner, we'd be able to hear the gentle clicking of his robot parts. I'm not just talking about a pacemaker here. I'm talking about intricate wires and metal thingamabobs working in tandem to keep this "man" a functioning being. If Pinocchio, Edward Scissorhands, and that creepy pieced together baby on American Horror Story had a hot threesome and produced a child, it would be Keanu - only without the eccentric personalities of his three fathers. Charmless, witless, dull. *sputter sputter kerplunk*


Over at Tuna Tartare (Te Tuna), with hands pressed firmly together in a namaste, Coach tells the remaining Tunas how Mary Jane is the most dangerous type of person. He may look welcoming and accommodating on the outside, but when you stare into his dead black eyes, all you see is a swirling abyss of Jacks, Aces, and one-hitters. A man like that will peek at your cards and bogart that can, man. It's best that he's out of the family for good. But amongst the encouraging words and the uplifting sermon, a gentle nagging tugs at Coach's heartstrings. Rule #37: A person at the bottom of an alliance better not feel like they're at the bottom of an alliance or stones will be thrown, the people will revolt, and it'll be anarchy. Coach tries his best to reassure his disciples of the importance of unity and trust, but one lone Mrs. (Whitney) isn't falling for it. Through a mass of tangles (and a sullied wedding dress), the Mrs. wonders how smart people can be so stupid. Perhaps there's something to that. I myself wonder how a smart girl can secretly get married, go on a national tv show, bump uglies with a robot, and think she can keep it all a secret. You're right, Whitney. How can smart people be so dumb?!


A new day dawns and with it, an ancient mystical dance of delights. The waves crash and the wind blows gently as two men juggle suns and shoot the clouds with their pointer fingers. This meditation in motion is grace personified - If "grace" is a herky jerky freckled lad dropping suns and shooting his own foot with an imaginary bow, but grace nonetheless! Steady, constant, flowing, Tai Chi promotes serenity by connecting mind and body and, let's face it, Coach is a pretty serene guy whereas Cochran is a jumble of nerve endings swaying in the breeze. Cochran admits to drinking the "Coach Kool Aid" in order to inch his way up the elimination pecking order, but I think, deep down, young Cochran actually enjoys picking up a few tips to lower his stress levels. Neuroses only gets worse if left unattended. Yet, amongst all the peace and calming whale music, Coach stares hypnotically at the sea and voices his concern for the coming days. Albie is acting super squirrelly and Brandon is running around giving everyone "HATZ" tattoos which leaves Coach wondering if maybe he'll be blindsided down the road. Upon hearing this news, all that energy harnessed and all that inner calm achieved from the morning meditation goes flying out the window and anxiety once again cradles Cochran like a fluffy warm comforter.


Anxiety aside, we've got a duel to get to. The Three Stooges enter the arena, but only one will emerge victorious. The winner will continue to live on Rhode Island while the other two will become our first members of the Jury. For today's challenge, you must stand with your arms outstretched and hold two poles against an overhead board. The last one to keep his poles erect stays in the game. "Erect". *sigh* It's so obvious who's going to win. Survivors ready, go.

While Cochran sits twitching, the challenge begins and those loud mouthed freaks observing start to pick favorites. Can I just ask why those knuckleheads are bothering to cheer from the stands? Rancher Rick who seemingly has a daily word quota starts hollering for Mary Jane to excel while Mrs. Whitney throws her garter and bouquet in Keanu's direction. What the hell is going on here? Don't pick sides. Don't risk pissing off someone still in the game. Let those duelers duke it out and keep your traps shut in the meantime. Players look for whispers and hints of reasons to distrust one another. Rancher Rick burping out a "Yeehaw" for Mary Jane would be reason enough for me to vote his ass out. Rooting for duelers has always bothered me. Look, you voted those people out and they're pissed off they're in the position they're in. Just let it lie until you know for sure who's coming back into the game. No need to ruffle any unnecessary feathers.


Alright, so back to the duel. We've got Keanu and his mechanical parts beginning to rust in the dewy air while Mary Jane's squishy biceps are starting to give way. With one inhale, our resident pot dealer is out and off to peddle his wares elsewhere. After a minor battle of the poles, Keanu's wires cross and he's out as well. Ozzy stays alive. Grreat. Just what his ego needs - another win.

It wouldn't be an Ozzy win. however, without another smug Ozzy soliloquy. It went something like this, "I'm in the best place possible. I get stronger everyday on Rhode Island while all you suckers continue to starve. You should see my hair cascading down my back when I emerge slowly from the water with my spear in hand. Too bad the ladies can't see it for themselves. *beats on chest* I'll eat you. All of you." Um, what? Slow down there Ozzy. This isn't Foursome (VERY NSFW). The duel scene ends with Mary Jane slipping Dimples (Jeff Probst) another one of his cockamamie plans for a "Secret Double Redemption Island". Dimples takes one look at the resin covered blueprint and tosses it into the fire. You're done Mary Jane. Go, already!

Instead of peeking in on Tuna Tartare after the duel, we continue to follow Ozzy in all his winningness to observe his daily life on Rhode Island. He awakens with the sun and proceeds to spend his days visiting various ports of call and eating the finest fish the South Pacific has to offer. Marlin, tuna, barracudas - all of them leap out of the water and into Ozzy's awaiting arms. Mermaids lurking on majestic reefs beckon him closer inviting him to search their "caves". Long languid days of food and sex... It's like Sandals Jamaica for crying out loud - all inclusive, rum punch by the pitcher, and a colorful buffet every night. It's a place to refresh, rejuvenate, and relax. Those suckers back at Tuna Tartare wish they had the stamina and island savvy that Ozzy has. *eye roll* So while those Tunas are sucking tiny droplets out of a coconut, Ozzy is throwing Ones at the goddesses of the sea and wondering how he'll ever eat all of the bounty the ocean has generously laid at his feet. I'm sure you'll find a way, Ozzy. Actually, please eat some more so we don't have to listen to you tell us how great you are. Maybe you should consider a daily word quota like Rancher Rick. Just a thought.


Back at Tuna Tartare, Rancher Rick moseys on over to the fish nets, picks one up with the spur of his boot, and tosses it back into the sea upon seeing that it's empty. Foodwise, things are getting dire for the Tunas. I don't mean to butt in or anything, but in the past when starvation has become an issue throughout history, people ate each other to stay alive. Alive. Edna offers nothing more than a flimsy chicken wing so why not take a bite out of burly Brandon or a nibble of a robust milky gal like Sophie. You don't have to kill them per se, but protein is protein.


Huddled together under the rickety shelter, we find Dawn Dawn the soccer mom all puckered up and ready to kiss some ginger ass. She's seen how the other tribe has embraced Cochran with open arms and now she wants a little bit of that love for herself. No sneaky hints or veiled suggestions needed for Dawn. No thick clouds to wade through with this one. After telling Cochran she regrets not tattling on him, she comes right out and tells him, "I'll do anything to stay in this game." With a lift of his eyebrow and a slight adjustment to his spectacles, Cochran wonders to himself if maybe hooking up with Dawn and swooping down with flapping wings to rescue her might be his best move after all. Dawn and Mrs. Whitney are certainly searching for an angel to save them. What if Cochran were that angel? It's another one of those highfalutin metaphors we've come to know and love from Cochran. Anytime a chance to label himself sneaks out and presents itself, Cochran snatches that bitch up with ferocity and cloaks himself with it. I don't pretend to understand it, but it seems to make him feel better to have a label and a place in this game to call his own. *shrugs shoulders* Okay. Just, ugh, don't save Dawn or Whitney please.

And this brings us to the big Immunity Challenge. Come on in guys! For today's challenge, Survivors will balance a bowl of rice on their heads while racing across a course of teeter totters to fill a container. If your bowl falls off or if you touch it, you have to go back to the beginning and start all over again. First person to fill their container and raise their whatever wins Immunity. Survivors ready, go.


The challenge begins and with one ginger step forward Cochran loses his bowl. Coach and Albie spill their rice shortly thereafter and I'm a little stunned. As a man who's probably spent hours balanced on one leg on a perch somewhere, I thought Coach had this thing in the bag! It turns out his head must be pointy or something. Who is excelling however, is Dawn. A few weekends wrestling with some moms at Filene's Basement for the last pair of culottes while balancing her purse on her head has served her well. That flat-headed Brandon also seems to be cruising over the teeter-totters with muscular-calved Sophie right behind him.



And it will continue to be those three who lead the charge for the entire length of the race: Pancake-headed Brandon, feisty shopper Dawn, and ruddy-skinned Sophie. Back and forth, back and forth they go. It'll be a foot race if someone doesn't make a big move soon and that someone turns out to be our sturdy med student. With her balls swinging to and fro, she scoops up an enormous amount of rice piled inches out of the top of the bowl and makes her way to the finish. Dawn scurries by with a few grains here and there, Brandon pours some syrup on the top of his head, and Sophie trudges on. She reaches the finish and we all wonder if her big ass bowl will be enough. Guess what? It is. SOPHIE WINS IMMUNITY!!! Oh and one more thing, there's a lemony twist tonight at Tribal Council. Dawn snatches the word "twist" out of the air and stuffs it in her purse next to her balled up Kleenex and coupons. That "twist" is her hope. That "twist" could be her salvation.

Back at camp, Cochran checks in with Coach to make sure that Dawn and Mrs. Whitney are indeed the next two on the chopping block. He has a sneaking suspicion that there will be a double elimination tonight and before that paranoia starts to bubble up to the surface he needs to check that everything is copasetic and that his safety isn't an issue. Coach gives him a side-eye glance that says "Duh", but Cochran isn't near satisfied yet. If either Dawn or Mrs. Whitney wins that second Immunity Challenge, it's curtains for the young lad. Some pacing is in order - stat!

Cochran isn't the only one in panic mode. Dawn and Mrs. Whitney are definitely feeling the heat and together they quickly make plans to approach Albie. Mrs. Whitney, in all of her newfound twangness (I swear that wasn't there back at episode 1 - maybe marriage brings it out in her), thinks Albie is indeed the raht guy to help her. Brandon's too creepy and who knows what the hell Rancher Rick is up to. Albie is the only one who seems to have his head in the game. I, however, think it's because Albie is the only single guy left. Marriage schmarriage. Whitney wants to party!

So with Cochran lurking creepily on the sidelines, Dawn and Mrs. Whitney make their pitch to Albie. Wooden Albie (is he related to Keith?) mulls over the proposition and begins to consider his long game. Perhaps saving Dawn and Mrs. Whitney would be a good thing. It would surely gain him some Savannah (Savai'i) votes on the Jury as well as appease Cochran and move him up the ranks a smidge. Plus, Albie can finally get rid of that tissue paper Edna once and for all. It infuriates him that a cornflake like that is still in the game. I don't know. Keeping around someone like that until the end - someone you can definitely beat both physically and mentally might be the way to go. I mean, come on. Let's get real. No one is giving Edna a million dollars. Why surround yourself with formidable forces when keeping those barnacles Edna and Rancher Rick until the end would bode so much better for you? Can you imagine a final three with Edna, Rick, and Albie? *throws hands in the air* No contest! Then again, I'm incredibly lazy and the path of least resistance is sometimes the most appealing.


Whether Albie makes this giant move isn't really the issue anymore. What is the issue is that Coach has been hiding in a nearby bush listening to him scheme and plot with Mrs. Whitney! Coach is a man of intuition and as we learned at the beginning of the episode, something sinister has been tugging at his gut telling him that things are awry. Oprah calls it a "whisper". That gentle gnawing in your nether regions that tells you danger is afoot. Not everyone knows how to listen to it. Some people ignore those whispers to the point where they become a scream (usually your scream from not realizing your neighbor was trying to murder you all along and you should have gone ahead and checked the Sexual Offender Registry like you always meant to). A whisper is nothing more than your intuition. Kim Basinger once said, "I feel there are two people inside me - me and my intuition. If I go against her, she'll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely." Clearly, Coach has a little Kim inside of him that has served him well. We all need a Lil Kim now and again.

If Albie had a Lil Kim he'd know that Coach is wise to everything he's plotting. Coach is in the trees, under the chess set, and behind the tree trunk you sit on... he's everywhere! Like one of those kreepy Kardashians, you can't shake him. Albie continues to plan, continues to scheme, and tries with all of his might to convince Cochran that his time amongst them is running out. Spindly Cochran manages to rile himself up to the point of saying he's way more valuable than Edna. I'm not sure about that. Edna licks a teardrop from a coconut and is full to Spring. She's much less strain on the camp's resources.

To make this new plan work, the defectors will need another vote. Off to the woods they go where they find farmhand Sophie moving logs or raking leaves or doing whatever it is she does in her downtime. Albie reiterates that Edna is useless. She's not only hogging Cochran's #6 spot, but she's a vote for Coach in the end. Sophie scratches her head and thinks about the proposition that's being laid out before her. That sneaky Albie is showing his Cyndi Lauper true colors more and more. The thing is, those true colors just happen to be Sophie's true colors. I see your true colors shining through... Sophie doesn't care for that feather sprite Edna either. Apparently, Edna drives her crazy. Is it the fact that all she needs is a palm leaf for a blanket or is it something else? Other than the Mikayla kissassness of yesteryear, speckle dust Edna has been pretty mute for the run of the show. All of this back and forth and jibber jabber makes Sophie the swing vote. The question is, which direction will she swing?

This brings us to Tribal Council where Dawn wastes no time pleading with the Impalas to use her and Mrs. Whitney. No offense lady, but you're good in challenges and I guess you're somewhat likable. You're Jane 2.0 and not one person on Impala should use you or your tangled friend. Dawn can talk about the low men on the totem pole all she wants, but that Mormon is a threat. She not only threatens the pleasure one feels from an alcoholic beverage, but she threatens the Impalas ability to get votes. Cut her loose, I say!

A wide-eyed Cochran who hates hearing the phrase "number 7" admits that now is the perfect time to make a big move. Dimples feeds off of this and needles the poor boy mercilessly, "You're number se-ven! That bugs you, right? You hate that, right? We're here, you're SEVEN. One, two, three, four, five, six, SEVEN. Seven, seven, seven!" Cochran keeps his cool and assures Dimples that he already has a fistful of plans all ready to go for the next few Tribals. It's funny all these plans... Dawn sort of initiated them, Whitney put them into motion, Cochran thinks he's the mastermind, Albie swears he's the one in charge, and now Sophie is the one they all depend on. Too many people, too many factors, too many cooks in the kitchen. The only ones not dipping their willies into the pie are Coach, Edna, Rick, and Brandon. From afar, that's an alliance of some solidity, with some weight. It's half way flimsy, sure, but you need only look at everyone's agendas to see where the true loyalty lies.


In the end, all the bravado and all the dick swinging was for naught and Dawn is the 11th person voted out of Survivor South Pacific. We only see one vote for Edna which means the defectors pussied out at the last minute. I wonder what happened? Who changed their mind first? Nevermind all the wondering because we've got another Immunity Challenge, bitches!



The rumors are true, it's a double elimination. After a quick little quiz about survival where Mrs. Whitney and Sophie battle it out over the poisonous truths of the South Pacific crab, SOPHIE WINS IMMUNITY... again. Is Sophie a new dark horse we need to keep our eye on? She's proved to be smart, husky, loyal, and someone not to be trifled with. I think I like her. She's careful when she needs to be and busts ass when her life depends on it.

So, again we vote and this time is no different from the last. Whitney is the 12th person voted out of Survivor South Pacific. An elimination during the week of a secret marriage scandal is almost poetic, don't you think? Now she can look forward to Ozzy eating her. Wait, what? So, what did you guys think? Did you want Albie to succeed with his plan? Are you surprised they chickened out? How will Cochran move up the ranks now? Do you think Dawn can still get pregnant? Comment it out bitches and have a great day! Next week is Thanksgiving and it's a recap episode so the blog will return on December 1st. See you then. Have a great Thanksgiving everyone!

20 comments:

  1. Great blog, Lala. I am disappointed that Albie and Sophie chickened out, because they finally had a chance to take the control away from Coach and make a power move like Savaii did when they voted out Elyse to cripple Ozzie.

    I think Cochran pretty much screwed himself over by jumping ship in the first place. He's now the 7th wheel on a six-person alliance, six people who have most likely already have a pact to go to the final six together. What makes Cochran think they would vote out one of their own before they get rid of him? What's ironic is he said he wanted to take control of his fate by switching his vote that one tribal council, but now his fate rests in Upolu's hands, because let's face it, Cochran is never going to win immunity. Not with kick-butt competitors like Sophie left on the island. I really think he didn't put enough consideration into his decision to flip sides.

    Again, awesome post, Lala, and happy thanksgiving to you!

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  2. I cannot believe how dumb Albert is, this was his second opportunity to make a move but no he blew it again, the plan was all set but then bloody Sophie comes along and wins Immunity and I sorta feel she felt secure enough not to upset the apple cart. Albert & Sophie do not have end game in their minds, they are the Andrea and Grant of last season, the only two worthy players in that tribe and do they really believe they are going to the end with Coach, do they think he wants to compete next to two Warriors or some bullshit like that. He's making some really poor decisions, right from giving Coach the clue to the idol until now.
    Also I understand the reasoning in voting Edna, why not got straight for the jugular and vote Coach, well they obviously cannot now.
    Although I think Ozzy has played a shocking game socially and he's taking advantage of Redemption Island, I wanna see him back in and kick all their asses.
    BTW...I still hate Brandon...lol

    Great recap Miss LaLa. You're so great.

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  3. I cannot believe how dumb Albert is, this was his second opportunity to make a move but no he blew it again, the plan was all set but then bloody Sophie comes along and wins Immunity and I sorta feel she felt secure enough not to upset the apple cart. Albert & Sophie do not have end game in their minds, they are the Andrea and Grant of last season, the only two worthy players in that tribe and do they really believe they are going to the end with Coach, do they think he wants to compete next to two Warriors or some bullshit like that. He's making some really poor decisions, right from giving Coach the clue to the idol until now.
    Also I understand the reasoning in voting Edna, why not got straight for the jugular and vote Coach, well they obviously cannot now.
    Although I think Ozzy has played a shocking game socially and he's taking advantage of Redemption Island, I wanna see him back in and kick all their asses.
    BTW...I still hate Brandon...lol

    Great recap Miss LaLa. You're so great.

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  4. Ozzie has to be the most annoying player in a long time. He has a very high opinion of himself. I hope one of the girls beats him in the challenge.

    I'm still trying to figure out Ranger Rick. We've been watching for weeks and I don't know ANYTHING about this guy. Is he just there hanging out on the island?

    Brandon must have given up some air time for Ozzie this week - we didn't hear two words from him this episode.

    Great recap, as usual, Miss LaLa. You always make these shows so much more enjoyable!

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  5. Welcome back Dear Lala, Queen of words that start with a G. Quite a road trip, South Carolina and then to Tenn. to tour the places Whitney slept and to find out if it's true or not about buying moonshine in a grocery store.

    All that riding in the limo even gave you some time to find Ozzy with a chubby. RI must be equally arousing and that is a possible cause for his mouth running with only half the blood in his brain.

    Another beautiful blog. Hoops should stop by and pick up some of your flow. You supersized your pill bottle and found some fortified gin to wash down the shine. Yeah buddy, and that shell loader for your 410 puts some real bang in the glitter sharing.

    What show? I remain confused about strategy. I too wonder why the schemers wouldn't take a shot at Coach, or anyone else more relevant than Edna. Cochran is the only one that knows a misguided mastermind lurks under his freckles. Anyone associated with Harvard is suspect if it has anything to do with intelligence. Some student of Survivor as he failed that quiz challenge with the same ease he fails in any other challenges. That could get him further in the game unless a lightbulb moment occurs. I would rather blind side the stronger players as first priority when compared to saving or eliminating the worthless.

    Regardless, am I blocking out Dimples asking if anyone has a hidden immunity idol? I also bet every one of your readers knew who wrote DON on the parchment. It does sound the same, even on those Bible audio tapes. Oh the horror, the crack of DON.

    I became more annoyed with the RI continuation when I realized that Ozzy ends up in less immunity challenges than those that already conquered him twice. I'll be rooting for Dawn in the next contest. She's pretty close to being the only one left to at least offer a challenge. How soon can morning sickness kick in? Hopefully Ozzy is shooting blanks after that threesome with his last house guests.

    Sophie is coming on strong though and is positioned to defend herself if she can continue to be tough and win a few challenges.

    Have a Happy Thanksgiving y'all, especially the one with the gin soaked bird.

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  6. I love how you always use "mosey" in reference to Rancher Rick. You are right, he must have some sort of daily word limit. He's got no game.

    ha ha - "bad case of the crabs" photo caption.

    Great recap.

    I too, do not understand why nobody is targeting Coach. Rob won last year, did these people not watch last season. The jury will reward the returning player 1 million dollars, so don't think otherwise. I am very disappointed in the editing. There had to have been more conversation about NOT voting Edna off, otherwise why did Albie and co, not write her name down? They obviously knew Sophie wasn't going for it....they didn't show us something. Cochran is supposedly the worlds biggest fan, seen every season....he's not to bright then. Someone has to flop, and usually it's the player in the 7th position that has to. I'm not impressed with these brainless people. I was hoping Whitney would win the second challenge, just to see something get stirred up. Of course she would go next, but it still would have been nice to see them scramble.

    Good job. Lots of chuckles.

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  7. I am lost on the comments about Whitney's secret marriage and Dawn being/getting pregnant. Can someone enlighten me please?

    Their best move would have been to vote out Ben and send him to RI, that way only 1 of the vets would be able to return unless the 3rd person going over there beat them both. But again they are all playing stupid and just escorting the vets to the end to collect the mil.

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  8. Click the link towards the beginning on the word "Mrs" for the Whitney info.

    The Dawn getting pregnant thing was a joke. You know, cuz she'll be on Rhode Island with Ozzy...

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  9. I'll admit you've got jokes Ms. Lala. Great blog

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  10. "the Mrs. wonders how smart people can be so stupid. Perhaps there's something to that. I myself wonder how a smart girl can secretly get married, go on a national tv show, bump uglies with a robot, and think she can keep it all a secret. You're right, Whitney. How can smart people be so dumb?!" - my favorite line from an awesome blog. As a Southerner, i cannot stand Whitney. The sound of her insipid voice makes me want to drive a rebarb through both my eardrums. Which would make getting into my little Mazda a challenge.
    I did want her to win immunity though, for the reasons stated above. I know its difficult to have five players act as one to change the game, especially with Coach having Edna, Brandon, and Rick on lockdown. But we're on track for a lackluster finish unless something changes

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  11. Was anyone else confused during the rice-on-your-head challenge when they saw that extra player? It was as if there was a brand new Survivor out there, freshly inserted into the game! Until I realized it was Rancher Rick without his cowboy hat. Seems they should have let him keep his cowboy hat on, and then he could perch the rice bowl on top of that. How else are we supposed to recognize him?

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  12. You are an over achieving observer anon 904. Rancher Rick is invisible unless he's sitting in the RI bleacher seats.

    What else can you tell us? Does he have man boobs? The male viewers are boob deprived this season.

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  13. Great blog, Lala. I laughed my ass off about the whole "Mrs." bit.

    Cochran is a pussy (and I HATE that word, but when the situation calls for it, I will use it). He is a weasel who claims to love the game but when it comes down to it, he can't play it for shit. Seriously--even the challenges that require brains he sucks at more than Mrs. Whitney sucks Keith. And what is with Cochran's nose? Why the hell is it always so red when the rest of his face is so pasty white? Sorry for the rant but I was actually rooting for that indecisive snake prior to him disappointing me and playing such a crap game.

    I can't believe they didn't make a power play to change up the game. It is going to be so boring now. I'm actually rooting for cocky Ozzy (pun intended--those pictures were hilarious!) now just so he can add a little spice to what is left of the show.

    Brandon is a moron and I laughed out loud when I saw "Don" on the paper. I knew right away who wrote it. Such an idiot....

    Have a great Thanksgiving and I'll look forward to your next post in a couple of weeks. :)

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  14. Did anyone notice Tom use the word "dead-eyed"
    on Parks and Recreation last night?

    Gee, I wonder where the writers got that idea from.

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  15. I agree that Ozzy should try out a daily word quota like Rancher Rick. It might do his cocky ass some good. I have been thoroughly disappointed by both people (Jim and Cochran) that I was rooting for this season, and now I could care less who wins. I was on the fence about Sophie, but she hasn't gotten enough air time for me to really get behind her- she hasn't really DONE anything.

    It is painfully obvious that Coach is going to win this season; the only other person who could possibly win is Sophie. Brandon is obnoxious and I am sure they will have him bring Russell for the family visit just to garner viewers. The rest of this season is going to be SUCH a dud.

    Whitney is so fucking annoying and I am glad to see her gone- her voice makes me want to do what Sarah did to her mother in the horror movie Inside (SPOILER!) and stab a hairpin through my neck. Yeah, it's that bad.

    I am with everyone else and can't believe no one has made a friggin move. This season has become as boring as last season, without the awesome interviews with Boston Rob.

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  16. Happy Thanksgiving all!

    I was hoping for that big move. Aaargh! I hope Ozzy (or Dawn) comes back in the game and wins immunity just to shake this up. I do not see Coach taking Sophie or Albert with him. Edna is the last hope. Let's hope her walking on Coach's back will be literal.

    Last week Ozzy said he'd give the others a fish and send them home. Now, it's a fish and a coconut. Maybe he'll have appetizers next time and a dessert list. How much is the tip on RI?

    Thanks for the blog. This is turning into last season--yawn. Your blogs make it interesting!

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  17. Am i being racist by saying Edna should have won the Immunity challenge carrying the rice?

    Happy Thanksgiving Miss Lala

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  18. Happy Thanksgiving?! You are thinking of of your patetyczny holiday at a time like this?! Amerykanie idiota!

    I remain forbidden from your shores while you Americans ignore "Coach Wade" as he gathers together a new "family"? How can you not see this evil fermenting?! It is only a matter of time until he passes his sick instructions to that deluded kool-aid drinking murder tool Brandon and the pregnant wife of a famous director becomes stabbed to death! You must prevent this! The wives of famous Hollywood directors contribute TOO MUCH to society for you to allow them to be massacred by a crazed Brandon Hantz! You Americans delight in wilful ignorance while you stuff your enormous bellies with turkey and corn and butter (SO MUCH BUTTER!) in celebration of the opening act of a different massacre! Oh, it's enough to make me want to make sweet love to a thirteen year old girl...

    Happy Thanksgiving?! I hope you all vomit!

    Spoczywaj w pokoju Sharon.

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  19. wow--just got through watching the Turkeyday episode. (Hope you had a great, glittery day!) Still laughing at Savaiians sleeping on the beach for a whole month. Beach-living is fun, but only if you have a pocket full of weed and maybe a couple of bottles of cheap booze. Ozzie is such a stoner. I gotta say, in real life, he'd probably annoy me less. (Nothing like having a stoner friend to make you feel all superior and uppity about how great your own life is.)

    But I died laughing at the scenes with Half-Whit and Robo-boy. What the hell. I feel like I'm on SNL news: Really, Seth? Really? They thought that no one knew they were 'aligned'? Really?? Half-Whit thought that the 'sleeping arrangements' were no big deal? Really? That it wouldn't hurt her game--or her marriage? Really!!! (Flashback to Half-Whit saying how stupid all the Upolo-gists are!)

    Back to you, Seth!
    I mean, "Back to you, bitch!"

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