Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Sabrina: Cleanliness Is Next To Bitchassness

Sabrina Thompson is a 33 year old High School Teacher from Brooklyn, New York. She looks to her brother for inspiration and can't stand it when people put leashes on their children. Oh puh-lease. If you've ever been in a Target on a Saturday innocently trying to buy a birthday card for that bitch you hate and some screaming little rugrat with sticky jelly fingers and a snot-smeared face grabs onto the pant leg of your brand new $150 jeans, you'll be handing out leashes at the door of every preschool in the country. Trust me.

Sabrina also dislikes people who adjust their genitals. Oh come on! She takes the fun out of everything!

Heh. A germaphobe on Survivor. People ask me all the time why I don't go on Survivor and here's the answer - DIRTY FILTHY PEOPLE! Having said that, I think it's hilarious that Sabrina actually went for it and took the plunge. Unfortunately, the germ thing is what is going to make her extremely annoying. She's nice enough. Spunky, blunt, motivated. The problem is that the second she bitches about a piece of sand in her rice, she'll lose the tribe instantly which brings us back to why I won't do the show - NO MASCARA. There are certain things a bitch needs in her everyday life - mascara, a good lip balm, Wen Haircare, and a DVR. And until the powers that be install a fully functional bathroom with toilet paper and a working shower with hot water, Survivor and I will continue to remain but distant lovers.


  1. One of my faves already.

  2. Clint Eastwood drawled...February 14, 2012 at 9:01 PM

    A girl's got to know her limitations.

    But M said...

    dagnab it! it's only 39 days!

    look, approach it smart like - find out who one of the cameramen is and bribe/blow him to smuggle a couple weeks worth o' gin onto the island. Spend the first 2 weeks drunk and if you're still there then sober the fuck up and PLAY! it's a million dollars!


    are you one of those southern rich girls?

    Established family. Owned slaves back in the day maybe? A million dollars? You SPIT on a million dollars! Big Daddy sho' does give you a million dollars anytime you ask nice, right?

    What about your readers? What about our ENTERTAINMENT?!

    some of us are entitled too, you know. Now be a good girl and make an applicant video this instant! You have two days to upload it to Youtube. And don't deliberately tank either... I'll know.



    I'll give you some damn germs to think about Missy. Are you feeling lucky punk?!

  3. ...it's just that I think your confessionals would be killer, and it kinda pisses me off that I will never get to see gin and glitter coated confessionals just because you're too much of a softcock to take a dump in the woods. Ask Kristina how she coped fer chrissake.

    I'll bet your not bullshitting either. I don't get the feeling that you've applied and been rejected. No, I detect an element of truth in that last paragraph and suspect you really haven't ever applied. I'm an Owl spirit and that makes me a truth detector or some shit like that, remember? C'mon, you can live without mascara for 39 days can't you? I mean who the fuck do you think you are? Alice Cooper? Keith Richards? Some other famous person whose name escapes me right now that's always wearing mascara?

    See, the thing is I'm kinda like Veruca Salt...

    "Daddy, I want Ms Lala on my favorite show. Now, Daddy."

    "Veruca dear, I can't very well make someone do something they don't want to do now can I? I'll buy you a pony, how's that?"

    *eyes turn to slits*

    "Daddy, I. want. Lala. on. Survivor. now."

    *breaks out in sweat*

    "Veruca, look at this lovely pony!"

    Cue violence. Poor, innocent pony.

    Or maybe you really are mysophobic? Hey, you know who else was a pussy ass mysophobe? Howard Hughes that's who, and we all know what happened to him don't we? So there.

    Ah, whatevs. Maybe Clint nailed it on the head earlier and you're just a self-possessed girl who has a clear understanding of her limitations and abilities. Nothing wrong with that.

    Ok, I'm only here to predict a winner before the show starts. I'll go with Kim.

    * If you do actually suffer from mysophobia or some other genuine illness that keeps you off the island, then please accept my apology. I hope you are able to get well soon.

    See? I'm not such a bad guy. I'm just moody. Yeah, moody, that's it.

    Fucking doctors. Schizophrenia my ass.

    Now you'll have to excuse me as I need to go and wash my hands again.

  4. That bitch Sabrina is my "pick" at the network! Not that I had a choice because I was last in, so please let's hope that she makes it a few days at least! Are you going to be on twitter for the show? where? I don't have twitter account....where do the bitch network group members post??????? I am on FB....Pats and Eddy are my Avatar!!!!!!

  5. Shit man, your posters are almost as good as you sometimes,(thanks M) Though I think you would be way more fun to watch on big brother