Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Troy: Show Me Love, Monkey

Troy Robertson is a 50 year old Swimsuit Photographer from Miami, Florida who has adopted and raised 12 marmoset monkeys before sticking them all in swimsuits and forcing them to pose with a cutback stare. Poor monkeys.

Troy looks to Mohammed Ali for inspiration and detests women with man hands. I'm sure if we polled the female man hand community, they probably have a united hatred for men with mullets. So there you go, a balanced universe!

Speaking of the universe and all that crap, Troy thinks that being on Survivor is his destiny. He refuses to compare himself to any former players because he insists that he is one of a kind. Well, let's see if he's right...

I'm on the fence with this one. There's an eccentricity that I think I might enjoy, but anyone who says, "I'm funny. I'm a funny guy." is 9 times out of 10 not funny. Don't get me wrong, I'd love for him to break out into a tribal dance. In fact, I think it should be a nightly thing. I'd like a nice thick uncomfortable veil of awkwardness to coat the camp in side glances and raised eyebrows. While Troy and his girly hands dance wildly among the sparking embers, the others can elbow each other in the ribs and giggle under the cloak of darkness. Now that's funny. I'm predicting this one will stick around for a while. His personality is big enough to kick the lemmings off early and take some of the younger men under his wing. And with his experience guiding bikini babes, he could do very well with the women.

And that's it for the cast. I'll be back here Thursday afternoon with my first recap of Survivor: One World. See you then!


  1. Dearest Colette,

    Your blogging is the bestest, looking forward to another season of ruthless bitchiness. I must know however if you will also be blogging TAR this season, I personally refuse to watch for reasons I prefer not to think about. I would never miss a week of your evil genius though if you decide to put yourself through that torture.


    1. Thanks Jeff. Yes, I will be blogging TAR20. I'm on this new "self torture" kick so I might as well. Wake up, crawl into a hole under the baseboards with a million flesh eating ants, blog TAR20, wrap myself in that big thick sturdy prison grade barbed wire, then bed.


  2. Troy could turn out to be a lot of fun. He also looks great for 50.

  3. Seems a bit like Dennis Miller with extensions and without the sharp wit. He's going to annoy the sh*t out of me, no-doubt. But if he can match his ego with equal parts of evil, that would be impressive.

  4. Collette,

    Rip everyone to pieces and include a picture of some obscure oil painting masterpiece every week.

  5. Golly, I loved the man hands and mullet comparison. Too funny. I predict this guy will annoy me, as Jools does.
    Looking forward to tomorrows recap already.