Sunday, September 16, 2012

Angie: Such As


Next up on our journey to the Philippines is 20 year old Angie Layton from Utah. Angie is a pageant girl who has won all sorts of fascinating ribbons and bows and rhinestones from various Miss Teen USA pageants. She is incredibly cute, but she's 20 and you know how I feel about underage contestants on Survivor. I don't like them! I don't condone them. I don't want to watch them. I'm not interested in them. And I just can't take a person seriously until they can legally buy their weekly rations of 14 bottles of wine at the corner liquor store from the one-eyed guy named Joe who blasts Skynyrd every time you walk in the door. 

The youngest of five children, Angie likes to work out, scrapbook, and hang out with her "peeps". Since the only other reality show scrapbooker I know is named Danielle and is about to unleash a bucket of pig's blood into the Big Brother house, Angie now has two strikes against her. One for being a child and the second for using card stock to commemorate the many grocery store openings she's attended. Oh wait, I forgot about "peeps". Strike three!

The Survivor contestant Angie compares herself to is Fabio because she thinks all dumb blondes are underestimated. *crickets* She hopes to meet lots of "hotties" on the show and is like totally bummed that she can't bring a camera with her to document her "journey" for her scrapbook. *stares blankly*

Alright, let's just get this over with. Please to enjoy:



Just kidding. Here's the real video (which is remarkably similar to the one you just saw!)



She looks like she's 12. Come on Survivor! The poor girl can't even remember where to put her consonants let alone know what the word "strategy" means. She says she "agreed to do Survivor" (that's code for recruitment) yet she says she's always wanted to do it. You know what? It's pageant fluff. "Experience", "journey", "once in a lifetime" fluff. She's a very pretty girl and I think the male fans are going to absolutely love her, but I'm not expecting anything remarkable out of this chick at all. She'll find someone to follow and call the shots for her - most likely an older male - and it'll probably get her pretty far in the game. Maybe she'll surprise me and be a vindictive villain, but I'm not holding my breath.

So, what do we think of Angie? Does the underage thing bug you as much as it does me? Comment it out bitches!


14 comments:

  1. Ugh...i couldnt even finish watching her pagent video without feeling ill, not a fan, bored of her already.

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  2. Why do I feel like I've just had cake with too much frosting. Ugh!

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  3. Looking at it from a man's point of view, she will be just fine, let someone else do the strategy thing. ;-)

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  4. OMG you scared me! The "Such as" blog title and that pageant video combined with not scrolling far enough to see the real Angie video...I thought she really was that stupid pageant girl. Looks like an all boobs, no brains type.

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  5. She sounds like she might be a whiner. As in, "Waaa. There's no food." And such as. Bleck. I'm hoping she's annoying, which would mean a man wouldn't let her glom on so she won't last long. Unfortunately that would require all the men to think with the big head, and we know how that goes.

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  6. What the hell?? I love your clips and look forward to your blog every year but I can't watch in Canada now?? HELP!!!

    ps thxx love you bitch ;)

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  7. I haven't seen the video but I'm not liking Tits McGee at all.

    Young, dumb and full of gum.

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  8. How come you gave up on the BB14 bitchy blog? The last entry was Aug 31....miss u there!

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    1. Because I was in California for two weeks. I've been tweeting and facebooking updates though. I've also been on the Big Brother Gossip Show every Saturday.

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  9. Well Sweet Butt, meet Air Bags Angie on account of her titalicous tatas. And if I want to listen to a child whine I'll unplug from BN and tend my offspring, the ones I didn't eat for breakfast.This one is sure to drive us all bonkers. Curious that the video buffered on a still shot of her head tilted back, eyes rolled back in her head and mouth open. The very next words from her lips, "I'v done a few thinGs." I bet you have and I can just wager my goblet she'll use all her feminine wiles to further her game. Maybe not a snoze fest, but we are certain to tire of the horrendous screeching that is sure to come from this one.
    ~sadsmile

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  10. I once knew a girl who spent $500 on scrapbooking material at a garage sale, she was a crazy idiot much as is this scrapbooking pageant princess. She is going to get chewed up and spit out.

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  11. Welcome back Lala! I too am looking forward to another season of Survivor, but especially your colorful commentary on it!

    Survivor must love the Mormon contestants--I swear they get at least one person from Utah every season since Tyson. They're all weird, and some of them are actually entertaining. I have a feeling that Angie, though good eye candy, will be this year's passive, gullible, clueless female contestant. The next Cha Cha perhaps. We'll soon find out.

    J-Bird

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  12. Well, they had to cast someone in the role of Stupid Young Blonde. Entirely worthless to society... but for Survivor, it might be entertaining to watch her suffer. AFter all, she COULD give us another Cool Beans and Touche moment...

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  13. Ya'all don't get it. The producers show you people who will factor into the show a lot now because you will see them at least halfway through. Yes, she is a hottie (how does silicone fit in the Mormon lifestyle?) and not exactly a strategist but she will around for awhile. Angie will see at least Day 21. And think back a few seasons to Natalie(?) - same mold but won it all.

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