Monday, September 17, 2012
Carter: Narcoleptic Parrot
This is Carter. Carter is 24 years old and stars in Amy Heckerling movies. He was once married to Madonna, but that was tumultuous and short-lived. He then hooked up with the "Run Forrest, run" chick from Forrest Gump, but he cheated on her all the time and became a Haitian or something.
When Carter isn't busy hanging out with Eddie Vedder and banging twenty-something starlets, he coaches track and lives to motivate and inspire people. He likes to express himself using exclamation points which is a little unnerving! I know I do it too! But I do it out of exasperation! I do it with panache! Not like, I can't wait to play Survivor for the glory! I love my dad! That guy is a champ! My mom would dominate this game! I hate lazy people! Hey bud, let's party!
Oh Carter. Already, I can picture his voice in my head. It's slightly nasal and it wants another bong hit. Let's see if I'm right. Please to enjoy:
What a meek little Jell-o mold. He's wilting and the pineapple chunks are oozing out. *yawn* What a bore! (that was definitely an exclamation point of exasperation right there) Who casts Survivor? I want to have a word with that mental midget. How did this guy make it past a pre-interview? I mean, come on! (that one is bordering on anger) THIS is who you choose to take up a space on one of my favorite shows. A narcoleptic parrot with douche hair? Oh ffs! (that one punched a hole in the wall and got a bloody hand)
So, what do we think of... WAKE UP! No snoring when you read my blogs. Wake the hell up people. What do we think of Carter? Comment it out bitches and a have a great.... *snore*