Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Denise: Smooth Operator

Dim the lights, my bitches. Put on some smooth jazz and light the candles next to the tub. This is 41 year old Denise and do you know what she does for a living? She's a sex therapist. Oh yeah! I don't really know what a sex therapist does, but I can only assume it involves having sex on a daily basis with couples in trouble. She probably says a lot of things like, "Watch me do this! Do you see what happens when I do that? Don't stick that there, stick it here. Yes, help yourself to the nipple clamps. Don't be shy." *quickly googles online sex therapy schools*

Denise doesn't care for lazy people and hopes Survivor will be kind enough to give her a sturdy jog bra so her "40 year old ta-ta's" aren't dangling out. Other than a chesticle support mechanism, Denise would also like to bring a photo of her husband and daughter with her. In addition to being a devoted mother and wife, Denise prides herself on being able to engage with people quickly like she does on a daily basis whenever a client walks through her door. To be fair, you have to engage with someone quickly when they walk into your office with their pants around their ankles and they say, "Teach me."

Let's see if Denise is the smooth operator - coast to coast, L.A. to Chicago - I so want her to be. Please to enjoy:

She's personable and, my god, look at her arms. This chick has no need for a machete. All she needs to do is bash two coconuts together with sheer bicep power and - voila! - they're open. I'm also getting the distinct feeling that Dr. Denise won't take any shit from the young'un's. Smart, tough, no nonsense - I could like her if she doesn't suffer fools gladly and kicks the guys asses in the competitions. And if she makes that wretched Angie cry, we all win! I'm not seeing a lot of drama potential here though, but she could definitely be a force to be reckoned with physically. And if she gives some late night campfire "This is where your G spot is" lessons, then she could be my favorite Survivor ever!

So, what do you think of Denise? Will she thrive socially or be the camp work horse? And is there really such a thing as having too many riding crops? Comment it out bitches!


  1. My oh my such a willing participant. She's a yes man. But she seems smart enough to not let her self become the, taken advantage of, camp slave. She's got drive and determination for challenges... I like her.

  2. This is America where judge everyone based solely on looks. That being said, Denise don't stand a chance.

    1. This gal does not take a breath when she talks. I see a lot of STFU in her future. I bet she mumbles when she gives head!

  3. I like her- I hope she makes it far. I am so sick of these "Barbie" types.

  4. OK--I am just coming (pun intended) off from my Fifty Shades Trilogy and I have to say that I like her. I would love to see SOME intellect in this show (not to take away from good eye candy like Malcolm) but I think she will be interesting.

  5. Sex Therapy sounds fun. Take 2 nipple clamps and call me in the middle of the night! So how does that make you feel?

  6. Another shameless American bitch on steroids/hgh.