Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Jeff: Foul Ball

Next up is Jeff Kent. I have no idea who he is, but apparently he's some big baseball guy who played for the major leagues. Whoop-dee-doo. No offense Jeff, but baseball is like the most boring sport ever. I won't hold it against you though. At least not until I see your video.

Anyhow, Jeff is 44 and hails from Austin, Texas. He is a family man and prides himself on being able to provide his wife and kids with every opportunity they could ever want. Jeff also dislikes stupid people and wouldn't mind taking an iPod with him so he can listen to John Fogerty on repeat and pump himself up for the challenges.

When asked to compare himself to another Survivor, Jeff says he is most like Colby Donaldson because of that whole "southern charm" thing. More importantly, Jeff thinks Survivor will be "easy". Hitting balls for years while scratching himself on the field and spitting brown goop in the dirt has prepared him to not only inspire, but manipulate his fellow Survivors. He looks at the game of Survivor as one giant locker room. Could we perhaps have our first true villain? Let us see. Please to enjoy:

He does that baseball half talking/half whispering baseball thing that creeps me out and gives me the baseball heebie jeebies. I was hoping for another Spike (Marty), but baseball Jeff sounds more like a used car salesman to me - which is fitting since he says he owns some baseball car dealerships. Baseball. Speaking of baseball, that little baseball secret of his won't be a secret for very long. It's not that anyone will baseball recognize him or anything. It is just that he'll baseball announce it to everyone in about 2.5 baseball seconds that he has indeed played baseball on a baseball team at baseball fields while wearing baseball clothes and hitting baseball balls. 

I'm baseball bored by baseball Jeff. What do you guys think? Is Jeff a legitimate threat or a baseball bonehead? Comment it out bitches!


  1. He's got this monotone announcer guy thing going. I say we put a ticker on how many times he's told to, "Shut it!" Mr. Personality.

  2. Lovely. Exciting as oatmeal and grossed over $86 million in his baseball career. Good luck with prize money bubba, the 'standard text messaging charges apply' thing may make me hesitate to vote you as favorite player. As if you have a snowball's chance....

  3. A bowl of cold oatmeal that grossed over $86 million in his baseball career. Great. Is Survivor now taking the people that Big Brother passed on? Hopes fading fast on this season.

  4. LaLa
    He is a free agent.

  5. Typical baseballer ~ can't stand 'em. So.... this "fat, white gut" doesn't need the money? All I can say is ugh, ewww and hopefully buh bye....(smiling and waving).