Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Lisa: Blair Warner
You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have.... Blair Warner, bitches! Blair m*tha f*cking Warner! (I used asterisks because I know she's a devout Christian and I don't want to offend her) When I was a wee speck of the magnificent woman you see before you now, I wanted to be Blair Warner. Blair was where my world began and ended. Hey, little kids become obsessed with things and, other than Barbies and roller skating, Blair was my obsession.
From the first moment I watched Facts Of Life, I was captivated by the lovely Miss Lisa Whelchel. Back then, I only knew her as "Blair" (which is how I'll be referring to her all season long in my recaps) and in my young impressionable eyes, she was perfect. She was beautiful, rich, popular, and she went to, what I thought was, the coolest school in the world - Eastland. Naturally, I begged my mother to let me go to an all girls private school too. She probably thought her precocious child was pining for an excellent education and sound religious training, but no... I just wanted to be like Blair Warner and wear a uniform. And wear uniforms I did... year in and year out. All the way up until I graduated high school. Thanks Blair.
So, now that you know a little about my weirdo childhood obsession, it should be no surprise to you that I will obviously be rooting for Lisa Whelchel. How could I not?! I know she's Christian and I know she's pretty passionate about it, but she's still Blair Warner. I gotta give my girl some respect.
No more rambling. Let's get to it. Lisa is 49 years old and currently lives in Dallas, Texas with her husband and three children. She admires and respects Oprah and wanted to be on Survivor because she's a huge fan of the show. Plus, she wanted to meet the lovely and fetching Dimples (Jeff Probst). Who doesn't? She doesn't care for people who judge others *looks around the room innocently* and insists that she was BORN to play Survivor. She plans on approaching the game by looking at the big picture and then assessing what steps she needs to take to accomplish her goals and get the job done. She also thinks Jo is a grease monkey and probably hates the shoes you're wearing right now. Awesome.
Tootie, cue up that video! Please to enjoy:
Will you look at those delicious "to the sky" eyebrows? I have a new fondness for lethal looking eyebrows thanks to that crazy loon called Danielle over on Big Brother 14. Bad Botox and all, I still love you Lisa. I am definitely looking forward to the scene when everyone looks at each other and elbows one another in the ribs going, "Is that Blair Warner? OMG that's Blair Warner!" I hope they don't hold it against her and keep her around for at least a few weeks. Look, I have no disillusions about her success in the game. She may not last very long, but that's OK. It's just fun to see Blair again in a new environment. She's not going to be a villain and I never expected her to be one. I can see her playing more a motherly role - especially to the younger girls. Oh Christ (sorry Lisa), I really hope those pageant idiots don't look to Lisa for guidance and align with her. Of course, knowing my luck and how nothing ever goes my way on these shows, she'll be besties with Angie and Katie and my understanding of good and evil, hot and cold, and up and down will be shot to hell.
So, what do you guys think of Lisa/Blair? Were you fans of Facts Of Life? Will you die of happiness if she says at any point in time, to her alliance, "I just had another one of my brilliant ideas"? Comment it out bitches!