Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Malcolm: The Stallion

Today we begin with Malcolm Freberg. Malcolm is 25 years old and likes to wear headbands and bracelets. If ever bored we could totally play "Where's Waldo?" with him because of his charmingly striped royal blue shorts.

Continuing on, Malcolm comes to us from Hermosa Beach, California and he does the Lord's work. That's right. He's a bartender. (Gin please, barkeep) Malcolm describes himself as "charming, brilliant, and cocky" and cites OJ Simpson as his inspiration in life. *tiptoes slowly away from the bar* 

Oh, it gets better. Malcolm says he'll play Survivor like our dear Lucifer (Russell) did. He intends to run the game from day one and rule with an iron fist. I wonder if that iron fist fits inside of the glove... If it doesn't fit, you must acquit. Ladies and gentlemen, it looks like we've got ourselves a villain. Yes!

Roll that beautiful bean footage. Please to enjoy:

Hellllooooo Malcolm! This isn't a pony before our eyes. This is a stallion. He's neighing away trying to break out of his barn and kicking up hay in every direction. Settle Malcolm, settle. Come, let me brush your mane. And bring another gin fizzy with you please.

So, Malcolm, Malcolm, Malcolm... I'm not going to lie, kids. I'm beaming a little bit right now. I've dunked and redunked. Glitter tits! THIS is who we need on these CBS shows. I want arrogant assholes all around me. I want to wade in a sea of cockiness and attitude. And as far as I'm concerned, more people should refer to themselves as sociopathic. Hallelujah! *glitter falls from the sky*

So, what do you guys think of Malcolm? Is he the answer to our villainous prayers? Comment it out bitches!


  1. Do like! I love that he has a brain.

  2. In luv I am! Maybe this will help me stop pining after Willie.

  3. Yesssss! I was hoping you'd like him. I backed this stallion to get me across the finish line. I only hope he doesn't bang on about Lucifer...I need those points!!

    1. He won't reply to me on Twitter though Diabolical. Come stand next to me and let's smoosh our boobs together for him. 4 are always better than 2.

    2. Or 5, as the case may be...

      What's his twitter name? Let the salaciousness begin!

  4. Anybody who refrences Brian Heidik is aces in my book, I love me some "sociopathic" Survivor players.

  5. He is a hottie. That is all that matters.

  6. Where does he bartend