Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Roxy: Christian Warrior


Our last lady of the bunch is Roxanne Morris, but you can call her "Roxy". Roxy is a 28 year old from Brooklyn, NY and she is Very Very religious. Capital 'V' religioso. How religious is she, you ask. She is a seminary student who identifies with Lil Hantz because of his daily walk with Christ. Now, as you know, dear readers, I give a little love nudge to Survivors who contact me pre-premiere. Wouldn't you know it? Roxy has FB messaged me. It was simple and polite and she's very enthusiastic so I am biting my tongue so hard right now. The religious stuff really turns me off, but, then again, Lil Hantz was great material so I will choose to give Roxy the benefit of the doubt. Just this once!

Of course, Roxy's inspiration is Jesus Christ and she would love to bring her Bible with her on the island. *tongue starts to bleed* Once, she found a rock in the Valley of Elah where David slayed Goliath so she's going to stick it in her bikini bottom and bring that with her too. *bites off end of tongue* If Roxy wins the money, she'll donate some to her church and then travel the world with her own ministry. Look, I could never do that. In a million years I could never do that so good for you Roxy. You're a much nicer person than I'll ever be. I'd probably spend the money on liquor, lingerie, and maybe one of those sex swings so, you know, that tells you how pious I am.

Let us pray. Please to enjoy:



You know what? She's spunky. She's confident and well spoken. Honest to God (whoops, am I allowed to say that?), she's likable at first glance. Clearly, she'll be a wealth of material which is always a good thing. I just hope that we don't get another "Kneel! Kneel! Pray!" thing going on after every challenge. Godspeed Roxy. Amen.

So, what do you guys think of Roxy? How much are those sex swings anyways? Comment it out bitches!

8 comments:

  1. And the first person voted out of Survivor : Philippines is........

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  2. Cannot stand the Jesus Freaks. You might be a nice person Roxy but mine is not yours for salvation. If you spend the show praying and forcing your tribe to pray along with you, you're dead to me.

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  3. It takes a lot to get me laughing out loud. But when you somehow combined this lady's religious beliefs with your propensity for a sex swing I could not help it. Is your sense of humor as fun in vocal conversation as it is in print?

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    1. Of course it is. Especially since I have a voice like a burly bagpiper.

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  4. Ten Lashes Tom because you've never heard the show! SMH @ U!
    ROFLMAO Funny stuff LaLa!

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  5. And she's gone. Quite an embarrassment to the rest of us quiet Christians. You really shouldn't smile at someone and thump your bible while you stab them in the back. Back to seminary school sweety.

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  6. She was a crap person. It's great that her time on the island is done.

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    1. Actually she is extremely nice and a great sport. She laughed at everything I threw her way in this blog.

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