Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Zane: The Redneck
Last one! *flings off top* This is Zane and he has a tattoo on his neck. Zane was the first Survivor to accept my friend request on Facebook, but I sent him a message and he never replied so... the hell with him! Just kidding. I have no idea what Grand Master Zane is all about yet, but he looks fun, doesn't he? He looks like he should be at the top of a building with an assault rifle shooting ducklings at a neighboring park. Sweet.
Oh Christ. His inspiration is the Lord. Roxy was exempt, but Zane is not! This 28 year old tire repair person (???) loves Jesus, but hates ice cream sprinkles. We're both from the Commonwealth of Virginia, but I actually like ice cream sprinkles. I especially like them floating at the top of my tumbler of gin while I throw darts at my Jesus dartboard. Zane, like Roxy, says he identifies most with Lil Hantz and if we thought Lil Hantz was crazy, we ain't never seen nothin' yet. Oh joy.
Zane has chosen to compete on Survivor because he wants to own his own tow truck. He plans to get everyone in his tribe to work for him and he says he'll win because he has the "gift of gab". He can talk to both Presidents and crackheads. What a gifted fellow.
I was told I'd enjoy this one so... please to enjoy with me:
*pushes pause immediately* Oh. My. God. Oh my god! What did he just say? No, for real. I couldn't understand a word of that. He's ah-mazing. *presses play again* Bless him. No wonder he never wrote me back. He was too busy down the holler gettin' water from the well so them hounds could drink sumthin' wit their supper. You know how much I love a redneck. Especially when you can't understand a word they say and they teach me about things like "cat heads". I just know his old lady smokes 3 packs a day and cooks meth out back in the shed. I may not care for Jesus as much Zane does, but I can admit when I've been given a blessing. Thank you God.
So, what do you think of Zane? You want to shoot things with him and have squirrel for dinner, don't you?
That's it for me until tomorrow. I'm protesting returning Survivors by refusing to write about them because I'm a rebel and I stand for something. Also, I'm just really really lazy. The recap will be up LATE tomorrow, but it will be up. Be sure you friend me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter. I'll update as soon as the blog is ready. Take care bitches!