Thursday, November 1, 2012

Tell Me About It, Stud

Due to gale force winds, giant storms named after Grease characters, a last minute change in work schedule and extreme laziness, there will not be a Survivor blog this week. Fret ye not, gentle souls, I will return next week renewed, rejuvenated, restored, reenergized and resplendent. Until then, feel free to comment about last night's episode and answer the following questions in the comments:

Is Dangrayne the worst Merged tribe name yet? (Note: Scurvy (Jonathan) revealed on Twitter that the CBS censors wouldn't let them call the tribe 'Fucking Rayne'. Um Duh.) What clever new name should I give Dangrayne? Contest!

How excited were you that Shakira (Abi-Maria) kicked RC's ass in that Immunity Challenge? Did you go loca with gaiety? Oh come on, you know you did.

Where the hell did those votes for Prickly Pete come from?

Did the right person go home?

Would a tribal bongo/panpipe version of the Facts Of Life theme song be the best music to play whenever Blair (Lisa) is onscreen?

Comment it out bitches and have a great day! I'll see you back here next week.


  1. I usually agree with you but I just dont get your fascination with Abi. She's a let down, all talk, no action. So no, the right person didnt go home in my opinion. Penner and RC voted for Pete because they didnt want the tribe being run by King of the douchebags.

  2. My favorite bitch on the show kicked my shitty, last place and forced on me, player's ass! Even I was happy to see RC go even if it got me booted from our Bitchy Network game!!! I am still hoping for Sakira to go far in the game and I still have a crush on Malcom!
    Long live the bitchy network!!!
    From long time fan and major bitch,

    1. You will be missed my dear Mayfair. It looks like you and I are alone in our completely sane and wise admiration of the lovely Shakira. Wanna make out?

    2. "Underneath your clothes, there's an endless story. There's the Lala I trust, there's my territory and all the things I deserve, for being such a good girl honey."-If I weren't married, I would surely make out with you.:-)

  3. LaymeNayme, We-are-Lame, Weirlayme, Winneylittlebitches (sic), Who the hell says dang anyways? Us Canadians use the word damn because when we say it we want shit to be damned!! and who the hell spells lame with a y 'Damnlame'.

    I also don't understand this obsession with Shakira, I mean yes she is feisty and she looks great in that bikini but she is completely off base on most of her comments, yes I know that makes for good TV but I can't like someone who is completely off base all the time. I don't blame her for not liking RC but she did so because of paranoia and I am not one for liking the paranoid ones.

  4. I can't stand Shakira. She may be fiesty, but she's a moron. Her big argument with RC was over the clue. She thinks RC stabbed her in the back by removing it from its hiding spot, but who else knew about it? Oh yeah, Prickly Pete. He couldn't possibly have done it. It really surprises me how some people who play this game can be so skeptical of things on the one hand, but so blind on the other. The ones who question EVERYTHING are the ones who go far in this game, which is why Shakira won't.

    I thought the plan to flush the idol from Scurvy was brilliant. Personally, I would have rather seen Melty given the boot, if for no other reason than to see RC in the tiny leopard bikini for another week (drool), though now I can't wait to see her all cleaned up at tribals, mmmmm.

    After this week I think that Jeff Kent (or as I call him, Car Wash - for breaking his wrist, as the story goes, washing his pickup rather than crashing his motorcycle, in violation of his contract) made some pretty good plays this week. I think he'll make at least the final four or five. Golden Boy (Malcom) is sitting pretty right now, and I could see him going deep, and Blair and Denise I am pretty sure will keep the secret of his idol.

    I wanted to know how RC and Scurvy ended up voting for Pete (who else did?) I mean no one even dropped a hint that his name would be written down, it was all Scurvy & RC. Granted, no one told either of them that their names were going into the pot, but who and why was Pete's name picked? Is this going to cause any tension in the camp in the next few days?

  5. Here's how clueless I am: I kept studying the new tribe name to see how they had combined Fandango, Matisyahoo, and whatever the other tribe's name was to form it. Even now, it looks more like some guy's name (Dan Grayne) than a reference to the weather. Reminds me of a book we had to read in school about one girl's quest to get her father to stop smoking. She posted a "NO SMOKING" sign in the house but spaced the letters poorly, causing her father to ask who "Nosmo King" was.
    Anyway, I digress...
    I'll miss your blog this week, but it's understandable that you have to take time off, even though this was Blair's week to shine (I do hope she makes it to the finals, if only because she's so damned LIKABLE), and if Denise doesn't win immunity from here on out, the other Survivors are absolute idiots not to vote her out. She may look like beef jerky---seriously, does she have any fat on her?---but she's a powerhouse. Shakira needs to go. Immediately. I hate her. I don't love to hate her. I just hate her. She's smug without being at all funny. Lucifer was smug, too, but he made me laugh. Shakira walks around looking as though she just sucked down a whole lemony ceviche with a chaser of pickle juice. Jeff Kent needs to go, too. He's like Captain America without the existential angst. I think our beloved Malcolm called it: he's now inadvertently in an alliance with two women he can't beat in the finale. I REALLY hope Blair, Denise, and Malcolm go all the way. (And that they've reinstated the Survivor auction. And that Malcolm gets to wash his hair at least once before the finale.)
    What the hell is wrong with Carter? We need to get a diagnosis, STAT. He looks as substantial as a paper doll and has the charisma of oatmeal, but he outlasts all the other guys to win immunity?! Is he smoking high-protein, steroid-infused red cigarettes out there, or what?
    I take it back, Colette: this is a TERRIBLE week for you to have no blog!

  6. Well, there goes my Thursday. Lala, you have a responsibility to your public! We walk around in a daze until your blog crystalizes our imaginations! Get back here!

    I am not sure if JK (i.e., Jeff "we are in an alliance"--"Just Kidding")is going to last to the final four. He has crossed a bunch of people up and could easily get called out for doing so. But he has clearly been one of the more entertaining players this year so far. Malcolm and Denise have the potential to be right there at the end, and isn't she the mouse that roars....

  7. My vote for the merged tribe name is Gangrene.

    I think Penner and RC were still under the impression that the 4 Krabklaws were taking on RC and Melty for a 6-person alliance and that's why they voted Pete. Melty must've gotten a heads-up because he voted for Penner.

    Also LOVED when Penner dropped out of immunity and Probst proclaimed he had a bullseye on his back!

    1. I think we have a winner... GANGRENE it is! I love it.

    2. See, I hates Probst meddling in the game. WYF he goes back to his comfy hotel room at night, why is he changing the game with his mouth? He needs to STFU when it comes to influeing the vote and idol playing. If he doesn't blurt out his stupid statement, Scurvy is a goner.

  8. New Tribe Name should be "Staleshow". Jeff Probst should have been voted off. I am also not buying your personification of Abi-Dabby as some hot tempered Latina. At least not in any positive way. I think she is just annoyed at everything as are many longtime Survivor fans are in that they have discovered their favorite reality show is rigged, manipulated, etc. to the point that is does not resemble the original show.

    1. I agree. There is a staleness going on.

  9. I think Gangrene would be a perfect name for the new tribe, especially since Scurvy is still in the game. It's because of potential gangrene that he was pulled from the game the last time he played.

  10. I nominate Gangrene as the new tribe name.


  11. I love that I am not the only one that HATES Abi. She does absolutely nothing for me. I'd rather watch Jello - pop Carter than her.

    1. Does Carter look like Val Kilmer? Or who does he resemble?

    2. I agree on Abi. other than having her in bed, I'd like to never see nor hear from her again.

  12. Is Blackbeard (Artis) Special Agent Phillip Sheppard's twin brother, or is he just being so obnoxious as to make it appear that way? Kissing his own biceps and then dropping his pail one minute later...what a dork. And after watching Dimples blatantly inserting himself into gameplay for the second straight week with Penner and the idol, how will we ever complain about Big Brother's production interference again? (Okay, easily). And, yes, Gangrene is the obvious choice for a name, though the original CBS subtext "Merged Tribe" is about all the Bozos on this bus deserve. Isn't there a shiny pole on a stage somewhere in South Beach we can send this Shakira creature back to? Sorry Colette, but I think you are about on your own with that girl.

    Let's hope for a better show next week. Here's lifting a glass to all on Team Denise! Cheers.

  13. This negative Shakira energy only makes me stronger. Shaki fo' life! *smacks chest and gives you all the finger*

  14. New tribe name: Dangerfield

    It's not that they get no respect, they don't deserve it for choosing such a lame name.

  15. RC and I shared many a magical moment these past few weeks and I am sorry to see her go. Packed tightly into that leopard bikini, RC had profound effect on me. So profound that had I been a castmember this season, your nickname for me would be "Spanky."

    So the bad news is, my girlfriend is gone :(

    The good news is, I now have all this extra lotion ;)

  16. Dang it Colette. You are missed but not gone. Pete who? Shakira why? I gladly accept your finger. Dipped in glitter I'm sure. I just hope you are someplace where the sewage can't back up into your bathtub gin.

    Mighty mouse rules. The guys that keep harping on the strong team of manly men as physical threats haven't done diddly. I'm proud of shot put Carter for outlasting the Texan. Lisa remains endearing and should continue to tag along. She might have overdone her analysis at tribal. Good thing nobody there was paying attention. She can only screw it up if she starts a prayer circle. That might force Malcum out of the closet to ask if her church accepts his kind.

    I would rather that Penner had gone first. He's unpleasant but not dumb enough to not play his idol. At least that is out of the way now and he's next unless he pulls off some miracle in Immunity challenge. RC's body will be missed. Vagina Power got smashed before we could even got a whiff of it.

  17. Ok, so they voted out RC and flushed out Scurvy's idol, as was the master plan. But what, pray tell, does Jeff Kent get out of all of this? Is he just hellbent on kicking out the veterans? What will he and Jell-O Pop do after they vote out Scurvy? It sure looks like things are shaping out well for Prickly Pete, Shakira, and Blackbeard. But just watch, Golden Boy and Denise (what was her nickname again, humpty something?) will go far, and one of them will win it all.

    By the way, when the hell did they come up with the new tribe name? It sure seems like a lot was edited out of last night's episode.

    One last thought--why oh why did Halloween land on a Wednesday? I had to flip back and forth between Survivor and The Shining. (Hello, I'm Dick Halloran.)


  18. Was glad RC went home, I guess as the votes for Prickly Pete were being read I was hoping it was going to be him, cannot stand him. Scurvy tells the remaining Krabklaws to vote Pete, I naturally assumed he told Skupin as well but maybe he did not hear too well.

    Jeff's recurring speech "I don't want a veteran to win this game" is getting a bit tired, of course we don't but I don't know about others but I am tired of hearing him say it.

    I run a Survivor fan page and several players from this season have joined, RC's excuse for not joining was..."ahh it sucks I know, but everything happens for a reason" it sure does RC.

    Missed your blog this week Lala, but like you say bigger, better and stronger next episode and with a cool tribe name to play with.

  19. Skupin is stupid. Kent said he did not want skurvy to last longer than him, then at tribal they all said that veterans had a target on their back and they had their chance and nobody likes it when a vet comes back. So stupid ass skupin sides with the dumb asses that want the vets gone and votes against his ally/fellow vet. Now Skurvy is gonna know that skupin back stabbed him.

    I wanted Pete to leave, he is a douche bag. Abi is a complete BITCH and I can't wait till they send her ass home. If I was RC I would have punched that bitch in the face by now. If anyone is Buttface (aka Facebook) friends with Skupin ask him why the hell he voted against skurvy. I can't figure that one out.

    Miss your blog BITCH. But I guess I understand all of your reasons. I guess you are excused. I was told by someone that Survivor won't be on next week or it is a recap week or something like that cuz of the election.

    1. Really? A recap episode? In that case, I get another week off!

      And btw, why do I get more comments when I don't write a blog? I should not blog more often.

    2. This episode finally had enough action to warrant some discussion. Until now it was basically boring, but nowhere near last season.

  20. Jello-POP reminds me of Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter for some reason.

  21. Jus a FYI, another Survivor blog i regularly read has named the merged tribe Gangrene yesterday.

    1. A good reason not to use gangrene here.

  22. Lala, I'm with you on Shaki- Her fiestiness mixed with her paranoia (although she is oblivious to her own paranoia)makes her hilarious! I still love epi 1 or 2: "you cross me- you are dead to me." Just watched RC's Ponderosa~ spare yourselves people!! Her laugh will make you grab for the fire poker to make yourself deaf so that you will never have to hear the sound again....
    Jello-POP seems like he has found a fun little fruit tree out there that keeps him 'oh so mellow'. Seriously, jello POP has seems like he's been taking jello shots.
    Look forward to next week!
    Etiquette Amy

  23. Tribe name? MyGrayne. Pronounced like the pounding headache that the 87 million dollar man gives me every time he whines about "vets" winning the game.

  24. How about "Dagnabbit" for the tribe name. "Dagnabbit, I've been blindsided and voted off!" Hopefully it's Shakira that says that next, sorry Lala, I'm not with you on that one, I still miss our little hottie from earlier in the season. Now if we were talking about the real Shakira, that's a whole different story, one of the hottest chicks on the planet!

    Did you see the "cat ate the canary" look on Scurvy's face after he avoided being sent home, does he realize he is in the exact same spot without the idol?

    Jeff Kent must go far in the game, the editors are giving him an absurd amount of air time.

    No book club/sewing circle this season, and what a relief after last season. The remaining ladies are going to have to be very strategic to stay in the game, although I believe the producers will help them out.

    Colette, can't wait for your return to the blog after the next new episode!

  25. 3 things:
    1: I heard there was a storm thereabouts. I hope all your sources of glitter made it through ok.
    2: You are not alone in your Abi-Maria love. She is welcome in my bed just as soon as Malcolm leaves.
    3: Carter resembles Jeff Spicoli.

    I'd like to stay and comment further, but the guy that just lined up behind me to comment is kinda freaking me out. You should see him Lala - he's wearing a corduroy blazer and a beret with flip-flops and board shorts! Oh, and he's talking to himself like a homeless person.

    I'm off. See you next week.

  26. Oh man, after I surfed that sweet break last week I became, like, soo chilled out about sharing the same body with you dude. We don't need

    SILENCE! I'm trying to compose a poem you crétin! I agreed to go surfing last week, so now it's your turn to get out of our head and let me write my poetry!

    Now, where was I?

    Ah yes...

    In nature, divided
    In ocean, melded
    Two souls, tortured
    Two souls, welded

    Imbécile and Intellectual
    Summer wed Winter

    Dude! That's one sweet poem dude. You're, like, so talen

    BE SILENT! I wasn't finished you fool!

    Oh, sorry dude.

    Ug. How I DESPISE you! With your "dudes" and your "likes". You repulse me!

    Whatever dude. Hey, my peeps just called - there's, like, a really bitchin' swell at Malibu today. Let's roll bro!

    Merde! I can endure this no longer! Is suicide my only escape? Dare I join such greats as Plath? As Sexton? Is my madness enough to drive me to that? Hark! A vision doth appear before my eyes! Is it... a headstone?

    Carter Cartèr
    1988 - 2012
    Drowned while deliberately attempting to write poetry while surfing.

    So. It is that after all. *sigh* My time has come to face the eternal dilemma of the poet. To be, or not to be?

    Into the abyss I must stare


    Dude! Quit staring into the abyss! Let's go surfin'!

  27. RC gone............Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!! As soon as five minutes into the episode, when the lovely RC bounced along the beach, I had a feeling she was going and therefore I should enjoy every glorious remaining moment with the pure goddess.

    So f'in hot. What a smile, eyes, light complected, long dark lovely hair, vast tracks of land, leopard print bursting, fap-worthy, sweet sweet princess.......gotta step away for a moment. RC made a sincere attempt to work with that BITCH Shakira, what a Bitch. Mean spirited foreigner, be gone.

    My only hope is that RC doesn't take it to hollywood standards with 8 pounds of makeup, but instead goes business- subtle professional, hot .13342 lbs. of make-up. Skin tight skirt, yummy.
    That settles it, I'm not staying in tonight!

    1. I honestly don't get why everyone thinks RC is so hot. I always thought she was kind of a butterface. Her body rocks. The face, not so much.

    2. I wouldn't be as harsh. I would give her face a slightly above average nod.

      We are such bitches for rating the players' attractiveness. In gender fairness, the young bucks get critiqued just like the does.

    3. That might be a bit harsh. I think RC's face is slightly above average. Of course, I don't see a lot when my face is motorboating.

      We are certainly a bunch of bitches rating the players' attractiveness. At least this blog is about gender fairness. The boys get critiqued as tough as the girls.

    4. Butterface... Butterpersonality... Ew.

  28. I do like the tribe name Gangrene even if it is in use on another inferior blog. It’s a natural.

    With RC’s departure, it is now very clear the buxomy chicas had targets on their chests from the get go. I was going to say well-endowed chicas, but I am certain some pairs were only endowed by surgical science. RC’s were clearly an endowment from our creator. We are now left with the only true chica to shake and jiggle her assets. May I ask why a Brazilian girl is wearing bikini bottoms as big as Depends? I don’t know why, but when Shakira shimmies across the beach she reminds me of the little Coppertone girl. Maybe a beach lizard of some sort can run out and pull down her bottoms.

    Now before we chauvinistically cheer for the demise of Vagina Power, we must realize last season’s Spiceless Girls were not much worse than the way Coach and Rob hypnotically lorded over their drone subjects in recent seasons. This season for all its good and bad seems to be building on shaky alliances and deceipt as the game of Survivor should be. I am not too worried about the “veterans” as Jeff Kent (MVP) is apt to call them as in “here comes the veteran righthander out of the bullpen.” Scurvy and Melty are certainly not charismatic like Coach and Rob so I don’t think anyone will be following them anywhere other than to the jury. And before you call Mr. MVP a bully, he doesn’t just stand up to weak Survivor “veterans”. He frequently fought with the musclemilked veteran Barry Bonds in the tense Giants locker room . Take that all you “veterans”!

    This season seems to be shaping up just fine. As far as the multitude of comments, thankfully Lala you bring out the bitch in all of us. I miss your blog this week and hope all is well and dry in your world.

    1. I'm still undecided on the tribe name thing. I don't know... I purposely don't read other Survivor blogs to make sure that mine is completely 100% original BUT it was a contest and someone else thought of "Gangrene", not me. I'll think about it.

  29. Lol im not able to read the blog this week and there isnt one. Lala only writes it for me <3