Monday, February 11, 2013

Reynold: The Dazzler

Last one! Thank god.

Alright, so this is Reynold Toepfer. Reynold is an extremely charming 30 year old real estate agent from San Francisco. At least that what his online bio says. Charming. He's a charming charmer who charms people into submission. Calm down there, Alyssa Milano. You are but one man. There is no power of three here.

As annoying as Reynold is in his CBS quiestionnaire (Tom Brady is his inspiration in life), I will give him credit for using the word dazzling to describe himself. Not many straight men do that with such ease so kudos to you, sir.

Let's get this over with. Please to enjoy:

*stares into space*

Sorry, I've been dazzled into a comatose state of boredom, charmed into stone. Only when Reynold shook his jazz hands was I released back into my body and able to move my limbs. He may be this season's eye candy, but my adoration is firmly pointed in Golden Boy's direction. He bewitched my loins long before Reynold came skipping along with his baby blues and matching silk blouse.

The ladies at home will love Reynold and I'm sure the gals on the tribe will dig him too. He has a good chance of lasting awhile especially when the only other men on the tribe are Lispy Firecracker, Sy, Snowflake and Sergeant.

And that's that. These newbies suck, don't they? Let's hope they come out of their shells once they're left to fend for themselves amongst the harsh elements of Caramoan.

I will see you all back here on Thursday for my first Bitchy Survivor recap of the season. Friend me, follow me, whatever (links are on the right hand side) for updates when a new blog is posted. Or just sit there and refresh over and over again on Thursday. Either or. Later, bitches!


  1. Loved your "charmed into stone" comment. funny

    he was hot to look at until he said "I've seen players that DO this game"....what? huh? DO this game? That doesn't make sense brainiac. I am guessing he has relied on his looks and personality for much of his life. I think he'll have to do the same here.

    Malcolm is hot AND intelligent. YUMMMO!

  2. Your mission, Lala, should you choose to accept it,
    is to take this bunch of crackers and make it funny.

    1. Couldn't I just spread cheese on them and enjoy them with a nice glass of Cabernet instead?