Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Kat & Hayden: Duo Of Douche

And this brings us to the nightmare you see in the photo. He bored us senseless on Big Brother and here he is again to bore us some more on Survivor. Completely devoid of personality and charisma, HayDouche (Hayden) is a boil on the butt of humanity. And unfortunately for her, KitKat (Kat) is now guilty by association. We laughed at her in One World when she opened her mouth and Skittles fell out. We delighted as her Twizzler fingers curled in the sun. And we guffawed when she farted Pixie Sticks and belched Nerds. None of that matters anymore. She's dating that helmet-headed bohunk and now she must go down with the ship.

Try to keep your eyes open if you can. Please to not even remotely enjoy:

(I shall type/react as I watch)

Is he catching flies or trying to form a coherent thought? Dude, close your mouth! No matter how wide you open it, intelligence will not fly in. *pushes play again* Normally, in the everyday world, two heads are better than one. In this instance, two heads are like two rocks banging against each other. Thunk! Clunk! Schlunk! Doh!

Drrrr... drrr... drrr... *makes gorilla noises* Me HayDouche. Me play Survivor. Me talk real good. Ooo ooo aaah aaah. She girlfriend. Me eat nits in girlfriend hair. Mmm good. Drrr... drrr... drrr...

Welcome to your nightmare, kids. We're going to have a good time this season.

So, how hard will the elves in KitKat's head have to work yanking pulleys and levers for two? If KitKat belches Pop Rocks and HayDouche sharts Coke, will they both explode and leave this earth forever? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!


  1. How many years has Kat aged since last season? She looks like a divorced grandmother trying to pick up men half her age.

  2. Welcome back, bitch. It's gonna be a strange season--Redemption Fucking Island is back, Colton is back, Gervaise the Languid is back, all kind of people I've never heard of even though supposedly they're old players are back, and then there are these two. Sigh. We're counting on you to keep us entertained, as obviously CBS has completely abdicated any responsibility for that.

  3. After a horribly disappointing BB15, looking sooo forward to Survivor...Why do you dislike Hayden so much...is it just because he's boring??? (just curious) Will somebody find a chicken for that horny rooster....he was cock-a-doodlin' in every one of those videos :lmao: